Learn how to reduce defensive behaviors and nurture your relationships.
One of the things that clients notice most when they practice qi gong regularly is the transformation of their relationships. Qi gong promotes a greater awareness of self such that it becomes easier to interact with people from a less egoic-driven state.
When we are not grounded with our energies, our egos can prevent us from receiving and reciprocating the gift of positive sharing. We may respond in a defensive way when people share from their hearts.
When we react defensively to loving gestures and shared thoughts, it is often because wounded or insecure parts of self are triggered.
These wounded aspects of self are often hidden from our conscious minds and lead us to imagine that others are being critical, such that we feel a need to be protective and defend ourselves.
Furthermore, the ego tends to see things only in black and white, good or bad, attack or non-attack which can create faulty logic and incorrect conclusions about other people's motives or intentions.
For example, a person with hidden wounds around shame, blame and guilt, will tend to interpret conversations around assessing the relationship as, “You are telling me that you’re unhappy with me and have a problem.”
It can be challenging to have a conversation with a person who is in a defensive space, and move the relationship forward because much energy is required to reassure the person that they are not being criticized or blamed versus actually exploring how to further the relationship. Deep breathing, calm voice and empathy can help diffuse defensiveness.
People who have their egos in check are able to embrace the process of positively exploring the behaviors that support the needs of both people well and behaviors that may need to evolve to better support needs.
The process of discussion, when the ego is in check, is light hearted and easy, compared to the tense energy that is the hallmark of conversations when one or both people are feeling defensive.
How can we recognize that we have fallen into egoic defensiveness? The following behaviors can alert us and help us to take steps to regain balance and return to a more positive place.
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