How to Ask Your Partner for What You Want


How to Ask Your Partner for What You Want
Sex life getting stale? This handy guide will help you get everything you want and more.

Are you bored with sex? Do you find yourself often failing to reach climax? Have you become largely uninterested in initiating sex?

Fear not – these things are common, especially when you’ve been with a partner for a long time. After several years together, it may feel like you’ve explored every nook and cranny of your partner that there is to discover. Sex feels comfortable, familiar, and almost like a duty. But back when you were first together, it was passionate, fiery, and (multi)orgasmic.


Wondering what went wrong? NOTHING, I promise! All you need is to inject a little of that fresh, new feeling back into your sexy time. And if you’ve fallen into a sexual rut with your partner, exploring fantasies is a fantastic way to get back in the orgasmic groove.

Are you afraid your lover will be offended if you ask to try something new? Too often, that’s the case. We avoid asking for what we really want for fear of offending or scaring our partners. But you really shouldn’t let that anxiety keep you from trying new things or acting out new fantasies – you might discover something new and fun that both of you enjoy!

OK, so how do you do it? How do you bring it up without it getting weird?

Communication is key – all relationships, sexual and otherwise, depend on an open and honest line of communication to survive. Make sure to be cautious with your approach. If you blunder into it without thinking, you may hurt your partner’s feelings.

For example, if you told your lover, “Baby, our sex is so boring,” he might get offended and feel like he’s not satisfying you. Instead, approach it from a more oblique angle – tell him you love being intimate with him and are still hot for him, but want to know how he feels about trying something different, just for fun.

Opening up about secret sexual fantasies with your partner can make sex more exciting, especially when you’ve been together for years. After all, there are only so many physical positions into which you can bend your bodies, but there is an endless array of mind-games you can play, or role-play. The best way to approach trying something new in the bedroom is to be excited, open, and understanding. If you really want to explore, surprise your partner with a little something fun. See how your partner reacts and take it from there.

A few ideas you might consider:

  • Surprise him with a strip tease, complete with sexy lingerie.
  • Watch a porno together, and then act out a role-playing fantasy.
  • Take a new sex toy for a test drive.
  • Pull out some silk scarves and ask him to tie you up.

If he seems hesitant, be understanding. Ask if he’d be willing to give it a shot once, and let him know that if he doesn’t like it you won’t bring it up again. After all, sex is about both partners enjoying one another!

So don’t let your worries stop you from having a fulfilling (and varied) sex life with your partner. If you’ve tried out a fantasy with your partner, let us know how it went. We’d love to hear from you!

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Curvy Girl Chrystal Bougon


Chrystal Bougon Sex Toy Expert, Resident Curvy Girl &  Pleasure Coach.

Founder of Award Winning Radio Show Host, "Everyone Wants to Have Better Sex"

Location: San Jose, CA
Credentials: Other
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