Typically I write about what happens on the wedding day, but I couldn’t simply stick to the day when the rest of your lives are at stake. Granted, you cannot guarantee that you will live happily ever after and be in love with your spouse until the end of time, but by following a few simple principles, you can get closer then you might think. The truth of the matter is that monogamy is unnatural. Being in a committed loving relationship takes a conscious choice every day to making yourself and your partner as happy as possible. If you can spend all that energy on your job and your wedding, take just 10% of that time and energy and commit to some core values together so you can admire and respect each other through whatever obstacles come your way.
1. Always do what you say you’re going to do
I recall a woman I worked with a while ago who had a difficult time trusting what her husband-to-be said because although he never cheated or dishonest. He would say he was going to do something and wouldn’t follow through. If you tell your honey you’re going to take her out to nice dinner, do it! If you say you will be home at a certain time, be home or at least give a call! It really is that simple!
2. If you feel anger toward your spouse, look first at yourself and what you may have contributed to the anger
Of course it makes things less stressful for you to point fingers when something goes wrong in your relationship, but you’re getting married now! Swallow some pride and like Michael Jackson said take a look at the man in the mirror! You might be surprised how empowering it is to be accountable for your part in a argument or disagreement. If you’re focusing on your honey as the problem, then you’ll spend a lot of time trying to change them, which will probably just cause the fight to get worse. Instead, be the hero and change what you’re doing. You know you’ll get different results that will work out much better for the relationship!
3. Be conscious of your self-talk
You know what I’m talking about, that little voice that talks to you when something happens. You walk into the bathroom only to see that he’s left the sink soaking wet again. As you reach for the washcloth you mutter to yourself about how annoying it is to have to wipe up the sink every time you use the facilities after him. Next time you find yourself muttering, try to mutter in his favor instead of building a case against him.
4. Acknowledge and challenge your limiting beliefs
Because of the way we were raised, we have a set of beliefs imprinted in our psyche that affect our relationship more then we realize on a conscious level. I can’t count how many times I’ve uncovered a belief of one of my clients that stemmed from childhood that is taking a toll on his or her marriage. For example, if you’re mother always “cleaned” your room rummaging through all your belongings and you constantly got into her about it, take care to not get upset if your spouse makes an effort to straighten up. In fact, it would be really smart if you could share your childhood experience with your honey so they know your trigger.
5. Do NOT talk to your friends or family about your relationship issues
It’s practically instinct to pick up the phone and blab to your friends and family about what’s going on in your relationship. Yes, they help us to feel better from time to time, but it’s a recipe for disaster. The thing is, we don’t necessarily call them up and brag when things are going well, so they’re only getting the bad stuff. Then, the friends and family might have negative feelings toward your spouse and that’s not helpful in the long run. If you would like to talk about your relationship, hire a therapist or coach, they’re impartial and have been trained to talk about issues.
6. Learn Tantra
Tantra is an ancient sand script and means to weave. In Tantra, we learn how to weave the masculine and feminine energy so that we can understand and bring out the best in one another. I believe that Tantra is THE answer to experiencing a deeply intimate and everlasting relationship. Many people think that Tantra is all about sex, but out of the approximately 151 Tantric exercises, only about 5 are related to sex, the rest are teaching you to be closer and learn more about yourself and your partner.
7. Give them the last bite
Have you ever shared a dessert with your partner? As it gets down to the last bite, you’re both eyeing it with a watery mouth. When people talk about the “little” things making a relationship better, this is one of them. Give your partner the last delicious bite and you will leave a lasting impression.
8. Pay attention to the little things they like
We all struggle while contemplating what to get our spouse for a birthday or anniversary. Some people enjoy giving gifts just for the fun of it! If you could pay attention when your honey says he or he really likes something, not only will you be getting them something they like, but you’re showing that you truly care about what they say and that you listen to them and think what they say is important.
These principles seem very simple and easy and they are! By taking care to listen and show respect within your relationship, you will notice a significant improvement... even in the best relationship or marriage.
Cory Honickman is Los Angeles’s only Marriage Planner and the creative visionary behind Marriage 2.0: Commitment for Modern Emotionally Intelligent Couples. Cory has coached and consulted to countless singles and couples all over the country that now declare that they’ll never have an unsupervised marriage again! Through interactive multi-media programs and systems, private intensives and platinum membership communities, couples can customize their marriage in a way that brings out the best in both of them and empowers them to make smart decisions. When couples want their personalized happily ever after, they call Cory Honickman whose mission is to decrease the staggering divorce rates that exist worldwide. For your free copy of Cory’s special report “69 Things You Need to do Before You Get Married,” go to www.marriageprepadventure.com and to schedule your Free Marriage Prep Session, call 323-378-5675