Have you seen all the Valentine’s decorations in the stores? How do they get all that Christmas stuff swept away and the V Day set up so quickly?
I don’t know about you but I always notice a lot of desperate and constricted energy around Love and Romance this time of year. So ironic that the holiday for celebrating love also causes so much emotional pain at the same time.
Especially for those people who need someone to act in a certain way for them to be happy. Think you are safe? Don’t be so sure. Codependent thinking is very sneaky
In readings, classes and in contact with the coaches in my Master Intuitive Coach® Institute, people have been asking me questions about the other players in their lives instead of asking about themselves.
For example, Jan (name changed) who has known me for years and has studied with me asks, “Will this guy wake up, stop drinking, and come back so we can have a committed relationship?” The question Jan could be asking is “What can I do to understand what I really need to be happy?”
Or let’s take Stacey, she asks “When will I finally meet the person I’ve been waiting for? When???” A question that will give Stacey better traction on her emotional map might be “What can I do to become attractive to the kind of man I long to meet?”
Do you recognize co-dependence in the before questions Jan and Stacey were asking? When you are focused on another person’s behavior to the exclusion of your own, that is a clear warning sign and worth your attention.
When you are trapped in a codependent mindset, you are so focused on controlling others, (for their own good of course, LOL) that you constantly lose focus on the only two things you CAN control. Your time and attention.
Could you be codependent? Even scheming in subtle ways to make someone love you is co-dependent. It is a sly form of self sabotage that keeps you from moving forward. Here is a quiz I made up to help you decide.
1. Do you believe you need to be in a couple to be happy?
2. Have you given up on arguments quickly so things don’t get out of hand?
3. Could you be happier in your current relationship?
4. Do you have a tendency to let people walk over you?
5. Do you struggle to say no when asked to help people?
6. Do you feel guilty if you take care of yourself first?
7. Are you trying to strategize to get someone to love you?
8. Deep down, do you hold a core belief that you have to DO something to get love?
9. Do you have a compulsion to offer advice or counsel to people whether they want it or not?
10. Do you have a tendency to try to rescue and change your partners?