Several of my dating coaching clients have contacted me this week feeling crummy about online dating. They are tired of the emailing and the men disappearing. They are bored with guys who don’t follow through or ask for a second date. As a dating coach for women in midlife, I totally understand how disheartening it can be. I myself went through this at 40 to find the man who became my adorable husband of 12 years now.
For some of my clients, it boils down to not only feeling rejected, but the lack of success cuts into a their ability to feel lovable. Can you relate to this? Do you wonder if you are still lovable? Are you worried that finding love after 40 or 50 or even 60 is just a pipedream and you might be wasting your time?
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It’s easy for me to look back now at my dating journey and say – “It will all be worth it!” I have the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. But how can you, as a single woman hoping to find love, stay positive and feel lovable while dating online?
You Are the Source of Your Lovability
As a single woman, your priority is to shore up your confidence and know unshakably that you are lovable! You cannot permit your feelings of worthiness to waver based on what men do or say. Here are four potent reasons why you need to validate your own lovability rather than rely on the men you meet:
• Nearly 80% of your external beauty is dependent on how you feel about yourself internally
• Your confidence and self worth come from believing in yourself
• Your ability to be lovable stems from your own heart and ability for self love
• Relying on external reinforcement is like handing over your personal power
Seeking validation from outside yourself is a rough road filled with constant disappointment.
• The men who don’t call you back are not the right men for you
• The men who say mean things are not the right men for you
• The men who don’t know what they want in a woman aren’t the right men for you
Do you see the pattern here? Don’t allow the wrong men to throw you off your game or question your own lovability. No way! That is why you need to validate your own lovability. Let me share how simple it really is.
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1. Be the love you want to attract. Know that you are lovable just as you are. Share your love (not romantic) with others every day and be loving. Do not look outside yourself for validation from the men you meet. They do not validate your lovability – you do. When you share love, you validate your lovability.
2. To find love, love yourself more every day. Appreciate who you are, how far you have come, and what you have accomplished. Be grateful for your beauty, spirit and soul. Everything that has happened has made you the amazing, unique person you are right now.