In a recent survey reported in the Daily Mail, 25 percent of single women stated that if a man's proposal didn't meet their expectations, they would turn him down. As a dating coach for women over 40, my question is "Are you for real?" Life does not mimic reality TV, movies or literature, and such expectations will leave you single and sorry.
In all fairness, the survey, conducted by Beaverbrooks Jewelers, asked women about their ideal marriage proposal. So, in an ideal world it's only natural to have preferences. Here are some of the top requirements from the women surveyed:
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- A diamond ring valued at $1,600 minimum (L1,000)
- To be proposed to on a weekend away
- To be brought to tears with happiness
- To be to musically serenaded
- To have the man recite a poem
- To be proposed to in the presence of a flash mob!
To admit you'd say no simply because the man who loves you didn't meet your fantasy seems rather short-sighted to me. Luckily, I had no expectations for the proposal of my dreams, which made it so much easier when my engagement became a negotiation rather than a romantic event. And I happily shopped for and selected my own ring, although I certainly let him foot the bill.
Was my lackluster proposal a harbinger for a crummy marriage? Absolutely not! After 13 years, we still love each other as much if not more than when we got engaged. (He's just so darn cute).
The funny thing is, Paul did propose after we climbed to the top of Jade Peak, a ski mountain in Vermont. (It was in September, so there wasn't any snow). Resting at the pinnacle with the diamond glittering on my finger and a breathtaking 360 degree view before us, Paul took my hand in his and asked me to marry him.
The romantic that I am, I said, "Heck, I already have the ring!" Turns out, he was serous about his proposal and we enjoyed a romantic moment once I got past his out-of-order chronology.
In your relationship and your marriage, there will be many events that don't meet with your expectations. Some will be more important than others like anniversaries, the birth of a child, etc. You might find a man who is willing to spend the time and make the effort to surprise you and create a wonderful experience. Yet the majority of men will likely fudge their way through in the same way they buy Christmas gifts at the last minute.
If you require perfection from your man, as a dating coach and expert, I can tell you right now: you are in for a rocky road and a lot of disappointment. In case you haven't noticed, life is not perfect. Relationships can be messy, take twists and turns and don't often end up as planned. But that doesn't mean they can't be great, just the same.
Ask any relationship or marriage counselor and they will tell you the keys to a loving, lasting partnership are flexibility and forgiveness. If a man makes the time to buy you a ring, plan how to ask you and then propose, don't make him stand (or kneel) on ceremony. Feel blessed that you found a man who loves you and wants to make this deep commitment to you. Appreciate the effort he has made, even if it's not exactly the way you dreamed of.
The most important thing is to build a wonderful future with a loving partner who will be supportive and caring. Pay attention to what is working and what is good about your man in the big picture — and guess what? That's the best way to enjoy your life and love, as well.
Are you an over 40 woman struggling to find love? As a dating coach for women 40+, I provide proven dating methods that have helped thousands. Get more tips in my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away. Let me help you find love with the right man and avoid the many potential pitfalls along the way.
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