Planning Your Dream Proposal: Are You For Real!?


Marriage Advice: Planning Your Dream Proposal
Would you seriously say no if your boyfriend's proposal didn't meet your standards?

In a recent survey reported in the Daily Mail, 25 percent of single women stated that if a man's proposal didn't meet their expectations, they would turn him down. As a dating coach for women over 40, my question is "Are you for real?" Life does not mimic reality TV, movies or literature, and such expectations will leave you single and sorry.

In all fairness, the survey, conducted by Beaverbrooks Jewelers, asked women about their ideal marriage proposal. So, in an ideal world it's only natural to have preferences. Here are some of the top requirements from the women surveyed:

  • A diamond ring valued at $1,600 minimum (L1,000)
  • To be proposed to on a weekend away
  • To be brought to tears with happiness
  • To be to musically serenaded
  • To have the man recite a poem
  • To be proposed to in the presence of a flash mob!

To admit you'd say no simply because the man who loves you didn't meet your fantasy seems rather short-sighted to me. Luckily, I had no expectations for the proposal of my dreams, which made it so much easier when my engagement became a negotiation rather than a romantic event. And I happily shopped for and selected my own ring, although I certainly let him foot the bill.

Was my lackluster proposal a harbinger for a crummy marriage? Absolutely not! After 13 years, we still love each other as much if not more than when we got engaged. (He's just so darn cute).

The funny thing is, Paul did propose after we climbed to the top of Jade Peak, a ski mountain in Vermont. (It was in September, so there wasn't any snow). Resting at the pinnacle with the diamond glittering on my finger and a breathtaking 360 degree view before us, Paul took my hand in his and asked me to marry him.

The romantic that I am, I said, "Heck, I already have the ring!" Turns out, he was serous about his proposal and we enjoyed a romantic moment once I got past his out-of-order chronology.

In your relationship and your marriage, there will be many events that don't meet with your expectations. Some will be more important than others like anniversaries, the birth of a child, etc. You might find a man who is willing to spend the time and make the effort to surprise you and create a wonderful experience. Yet the majority of men will likely fudge their way through in the same way they buy Christmas gifts at the last minute.

If you require perfection from your man, as a dating coach and expert, I can tell you right now: you are in for a rocky road and a lot of disappointment. In case you haven't noticed, life is not perfect. Relationships can be messy, take twists and turns and don't often end up as planned. But that doesn't mean they can't be great, just the same.

Ask any relationship or marriage counselor and they will tell you the keys to a loving, lasting partnership are flexibility and forgiveness. If a man makes the time to buy you a ring, plan how to ask you and then propose, don't make him stand (or kneel) on ceremony. Feel blessed that you found a man who loves you and wants to make this deep commitment to you. Appreciate the effort he has made, even if it's not exactly the way you dreamed of.

The most important thing is to build a wonderful future with a loving partner who will be supportive and caring. Pay attention to what is working and what is good about your man in the big picture — and guess what? That's the best way to enjoy your life and love, as well.

Are you an over 40 woman struggling to find love? As a dating coach for women 40+, I provide proven dating methods that have helped thousands. Get more tips in my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away. Let me help you find love with the right man and avoid the many potential pitfalls along the way.

More marriage advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan

Dating Coach

The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

Get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make That Keep You Single here.
Author of MANifesting Mr. Right, Why Can't I Find Love and How to Sizzle Vs. Fizzle Online

Location: Milford, CT
Credentials: CCC, MBA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan:

How To Communicate In A Way That Won't Scare Him Away


Experts claim women naturally talk three times as much as men do. So when you start a new relationship or soon after a first date, you might be tempted to be in touch with your guy frequently. While you may think this demonstrates your interest and is a normal way of getting to know someone, is that how a man feels, too? Or does your enthusiastic communication ... Read more

Is Taking Nude Selfies Even Remotely Smart (Or Safe) Anymore?


You meet a great new guy who is handsome, successful, and interested. Yeah! After a few fun dates, the chemistry heats up and you text him a couple of nude photos. It’s exciting and tantalizing to say the least. He assures you he won’t show the pictures to anyone. Trouble is, once you hit send, you lose complete control of your privacy ... Read more

How To Turn 'Let's Go Out Sometime' Into An Actual Date


Almost every single woman has run into this scenario when dating at any age, really. You meet a handsome man at work, in a store, at a bar, while speed dating, etc. You chat a bit and he seems interested. Then he takes the next step and asks for your number, saying you should go out for coffee or dinner sometime. You think to yourself, "Hey, he asked for ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular