50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Hooking Up & Hanging Out: Can Casual Sex Lead To Love?

By

Hooking Up & Hanging Out: Can Casual Sex Lead To Love?
It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.
Casual is easy, but when it comes to a relationship, is it always best?

For many people, connecting casually has become the new normal. A guy you met online texts to say he's out with friends and asks you to join him. This isn't an official first date, but offers a low risk way to meet.

From my perspective as a dating coach, this seems to be a symptom of a growing rejection-averse culture that fosters casual behavior. As a single woman, you think this is harmless enough. But let me define hooking up for you, so we are on the same page. According to Wikipedia, hooking up means:

More from YourTango: Think Again: Why You Shouldn't Ask Him Out

  1. To meet up, or make a connection between people.
  2. Slang term for courtship, especially of short duration.
  3. Casual relationship or casual sex.

Given the common understanding that this is a casual type of relationship, doesn't that tell you this probably won't blossom into long-term love? Naturally there are exceptions to every rule, and sometimes things do progress to love, but for the most part, this is very rare.

Let me give you a couple of scenarios to better illustrate my point:

Scenario #1: You meet a guy online. He asks for your number and you start texting. One night he's out with friends and texts, asking you to join him. You go for it and end up having a fun evening. Perhaps you have a few too many or just feel "in the mood" when he says he really likes you and wants to go to your place. You hook up for the night and hope to see him again.

Scenario #2: Maybe the guy you just met asks if you want to hang out. He offers to get a pizza and you'll watch a movie at his home or yours. Sounds harmless enough — so you say yes. One thing leads to another... and you never finish watching that movie.

You Have Needs.
As a dating coach for women, I understand you have "needs." So if this is about getting your rocks off, okay, I get it. Not all women become emotionally attached to the men they sleep with right away. That does make a casual arrangement a heck of a lot easier to handle.

Proximity Causes Deeper Feelings
However, if you are the type of woman who bonds after intimacy, hooking up or hanging out with a man is not a good idea. The longer you stay in this non-committed casual situation, the more likely your desire for love with that man will deepen.

Whether you can handle casual sex or hope for more, you will be spending time with a guy who doesn't have any long-term relationship intentions. Yet, he will take up space in your heart. This is totally natural and a result of what I call "proximity" — spending time with someone you enjoy naturally leads to feelings of affection or desire for more.

Why Love Is Derailed by Hooking Up or Hanging Out
Sticking with a casual relationship and hoping for more is how you get derailed from love because you have growing feelings for a man who is not boyfriend material. You will start to put up with behavior and treatment (like last minute invitations or late night booty calls) that is substandard so you can spend time with him. If you aren't careful, your self-esteem could be eroded and you might start believing he's the only man for you. And all this from innocently hooking up or hanging out.

I Don't Recommend It!
If casual is not what you want, don't get started. When you first meet a guy, it's true you can't always know his agenda. You can't be sure he's looking for love or a girlfriend or a wife. On the other hand, you can tell quickly if he's hoping to hook up or hang out because he'll make a move on you or use those very words. And when a man does this while you are looking for a serious relationship, be smart, guard your heart and simply move on. That's the easiest way to avoid heartbreak and shorten your search for lasting love.

Are you an over 40 woman struggling to find love? As a dating coach for women 40+, I provide proven dating methods that have helped thousands. Get more tips in my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away. Let me help you find love with the right man and avoid the many potential pitfalls along the way.

More from YourTango: Are Players The Big Winners Only On TV — Or In Real Life Too?

More sex advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by

Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan

Dating Coach

The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

Get my free ebook 5 Big Turnoffs that Drive Men Away here.
Author of MANifesting Mr. Right, Why Can't I Find Love and How to Sizzle Vs. Fizzle Online

Location: Milford, CT
Credentials: MBA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan:

Don’t Let Love Passover You This Spring

By

In the Jewish faith, Passover is a time of great celebration as people come together to remember being freed from slavery in ancient Egypt. If you're Jewish and single, this is a great opportunity to meet new people because religious holidays provide the chance to socialize. And any social outing helps you expand the number of people you know. As a ... Read more

Falling Into The Trap: Are You A Fool For Love?

By

It happens to everyone at some point — you do things for love that you know are not so smart. You become a fool for love.   Have you done any of the following and fallen into this trap? You believed a guy who told you a lie and you sort of knew it, but chose to ignore it You gave and gave and gave and got so little in ... Read more

Think Again: Why You Shouldn't Ask Him Out

By

There's this man you know who flirts with you often. Maybe every time you see him. You can tell he likes you. So how come he doesn't ask you out? This makes you wonder if you should take the bull by the horns and simply ask him out. There is equality between the genders today so why not right? Disclaimer: While the idea of asking a man out seems ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
couple-at-restaurant

Can He Handle A Relationship?

Know whether a man is relationship-ready — before you get too involved.

Banana

Kegel Exercises For Men? A New Study Reveals All!

A new study reveals the sexual benefits of Kegel exercises for men: here's how to get started!

Jump For Joy

Live Out Loud

If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS