If you've been looking for love and haven't found the right guy yet, it's time to consider how you might be getting in your own way. You may not realize that certain things you do or ways you think about love, men, dating and even yourself can impact your chances for finding "the one."
When I turned 40 and decided to get serious about finding a husband (which I did!), I questioned what I was doing that could be contributing to my single status. I had never considered the role I played in not being married. As a dating coach for women over 40, I encourage you to do the same. See if any of the following nine reasons hit the mark for you.
- Shut Down. I allowed a breakup from my 20s to shut down my heart. As a result, I never did much to meet men and the few men I did meet were unappealing or not interested in me. My heart was not open to protect myself from being hurt again. Once I realized this, I took steps to let go and heal, as well as build up my confidence so I could get out and date again.
- Too uptight. Your business success can work against you in love. Not because success is a turn off, but your "get-it-done" mindset can make you task-focused, intolerant and unappealing, which leaves little room for romance. To turn this around, practice being friendly, smiling at people and finding things to laugh about. These steps will improve your happiness and make you far more attractive.
- Surprisingly Shallow. Who doesn't want a handsome man who is super successful with lots of money? But if your main criteria for a partner requires style, status or money, you might be choosing men who fit your picture, but simply aren't compatible. Take time to think about other values that matter, such as, is he family-oriented? Marriage-minded? Happy in his life? Caring and sharing? These qualities are more likely to land you a man who you will get along with for the long-term.
- Too Easy. With many men, the double-standard still exists. If you sleep with a man too quickly, are too available and cancel plans to be with him, he may consider you "too easy." Crazy as it sounds, dating is a game that requires strategy. A man gets invested when he has to work to win you over. With all the equality we have achieved, the chase is still alive and well for men, especially over 40. This isn't about manipulation, it's just a fact of human nature. Avoid throwing yourself at a man so you can appeal to his hunter instinct, which is still coded into his DNA.
- Too Picky. You have a list of characteristics for your partner that is a mile long and you are insistent about each item. Of course you deserve the best, but are you being realistic? Men are human and so are women. Perfection does not exist. Being too picky is a great way to keep yourself single. The solution is to narrow your list down to five "must haves" that are deal breakers. Then loosen up a bit and get to know a few men. Quality guys will often surprise you in a good way if you will only give them half a chance.
- Lack of Respect. I am shocked by how many women don't respect men and think women are superior. They spend more time complaining about men than dating them. Yet, these same women want a relationship with a man. Talk about internal conflict — that's a whopper! Men can feel this in your energy so don't think you are fooling anyone. My advice is to think about men you know who have qualities you admire. Make a list of what you appreciate about men, then read it daily until it helps you see men in a more positive light. That's what it takes to attract a good partner.
- Self-Absorbed. You could be so self-absorbed you don't notice what's going on with others or your man. When you only focus on getting your own needs met, you may end up in relationships where the guy disappears, stops calling for no reason or fights with you a lot. Yes, you are important, but for a relationship to work, it does take two. To keep your man happy and interested, do something nice for him once in a while and let him know how much you appreciate him. That goes a long way with men.
- Crazy Busy. Telling a man you are super busy when you first meet is a huge turn off. You want someone who is available and men feel the same way. In addition, if you are crazy busy, you probably aren't making time to meet men. If you don't have time to date, you don't have time for love. If finding a romantic partner is your priority, then make it one in your calendar as well.
- Red Flags Ignored. Many of my dating coaching clients tell me they saw red flags when they started dating, but chose to ignore them. Or they thought things would get better once the man fell in love. However, problems don't improve with time. If you don't like what you see in the first three dates, you never will. Don't push away the warning signs that you are getting involved with the wrong man. If you tend to attract men with similar flaws, make a list of red flags to heed. When you notice more than one of those signs, it's time to rethink the man you're dating since he is probably not the right man for you.
Be honest with yourself. If any of these nine reasons apply to your love life, take steps to resolve them so you will improve your chances for love. Attracting love is totally possible for you — provided you don't get in your own way.
Are you a woman over 40 ready to start dating or dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need for women over 40 from a dating coach who has helped thousands. Download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make That Keep You Single so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.
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