(Sigh!) I can't believe I have to find love all over again.
The idea of dating over 50 can come as a shock. You are single and in midlife, which was probably not part of your life plan. But "things" happen. Sometimes it's divorce, the passing of a spouse, or time creeping up until you realize you never married and might not get the chance.
One thing I have noticed as a dating coach for women is how many single gals in their 50's seem angry about looking for love. A variety of reasons create this anger and some despair, as well. Most women never thought they'd be single and dating over 50 which is certainly understandable. Surprisingly, some women don't even realize they are mad about this, but it sure gets in the way of finding love.
Let me share seven of the most common reasons for feeling miffed about being over 50 and single AND what you can do about it:
1. I Wasted My Precious Youth on the Wrong Man. Maybe you left your husband or he left you. Either way, your long-term marriage ended and you look back fuming at all the time you foolishly invested. It feels like you wasted the best years of your life on the wrong man. He didn't appreciate you or treat you right. Who would have thought you'd be single now?
What I tell my clients is that your years in a relationship made you the woman you are today. So it wasn't wasted. You learned and there were good times so it wasn't all a waste by any means. The good news is you actually have a lot of single company as dating over 50 is the fastest growing group online or anywhere. So chin up girlfriend, you do have options!
2. I Can't Attract a Man When I'm Past My Prime. You feel too old to find love again or you think you had love and now that part of your life is over. The truth is people can find love at any age from 14 to 90. Look at it this way, dating over 50 is somewhere in the middle age range right? It's never too late for love and you are NOT too old. There is so much you have to offer and your beauty shines through a few laugh lines ... so stop worrying. The right man will be lucky to find you.
3. It's Easier for Men Who Are Dating Over 50. You think men have an easier time dating in midlife? They go after younger women and online that's what "all" men want. You're angry because men seem to skate by you when it comes to love and they hold all the power.
Yet, trust me, when men are unreasonable about women they want to date, they end up alone. Don't get upset about these men—just look for men who are open to women your age and go meet them. There are plenty of great guys who want to date a woman like you.
4. You No Longer Trust Men. If you left your relationship because your man cheated, lied or both, that makes it difficult to trust men again. I totally understand. Now here's another way to look at this situation: while this might be hard to believe, ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME. Each guy is a unique individual and shouldn't be lumped in with a few bad apples. It's time to open your heart and mind to the possibility that there is a good man out there for you. Otherwise, as you repeat this sad and untrue mantra, you will keep yourself single.
5. You Resent Modern Dating. What happened to how dating once was and that old-fashioned kind of love? You met a man, he showed interest, you dated for a while, things got serious and you decided to marry. My clients are usually surprised when I explain that dating actually hasn't changed much. While the media, movies and maverick dating experts suggest everything is different, this is absolutely NOT true. Traditional dating still works, but it's up to you to stick to that path, which is what I recommend to all my dating coaching clients.
6. You Have No Idea Where to Start. It's been so many years since you dated, you have no idea how to get started again. I get that. However, nowadays there is SO much information about finding love and dating over 50 you can certainly learn what works. Read books, take a class, work with a dating coach, or visit websites like this one. Everything you need to know is available if you just look for it. You can try online dating, go to a MeetUp.com group, find singles dances or speed dating, or get fixed up by people you know. Get busy!
7. Men Are Villians, So You Don't Have Any Interest. Okay, you've been hurt and feel disgusted by the male gender. And now you've chosen not to get involved again. That is totally your choice. No one says you need a relationship. You can have a fabulous, rich life without a man. However, if underneath it all, you wish you had a man to share your life with, then my dating advice is not to hide behind your disdain for men. Take time to heal (and get help if needed). Then, put some effort into dating over 50 so you can find love again.
There are plenty more reasons why women are angry about dating over 50. I won't tell you that it's easy. Yet, one thing I know with great certainty is that finding love again is completely possible. If you are willing to invest the time to start a new love life and learn how things work dating over 50, then my bet is you will succeed. People fall in love every day and you could be next, if you decide right now that you are going for it. I hope you choose love because it adds so much enjoyment to life.
Are you a single woman over 40 who is ready to start dating or dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need from a dating coach who specializes in helping women over 40 with loads of success stories. Download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Single Women Make That Keep You Single so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.