Many of my dating coaching clients have questions about what to ask during the first phone call. They want to know how to quickly weed men out. Understandably, most busy midlife women say they don't have time to waste on the wrong men.
What I have found over the past 10 years as a dating coach, and from dating to find my own husband, this can be trickier than you think. If you mess up the first phone call, you could end up with few first dates and keep yourself single. Here are five tips to help you have a great first phone call and hopefully get a first date too!
1. Make a good impression - the first phone call is a two way street. Many women forget the first phone call is a two way street. It's not just about what YOU want to know about him. While you have your detective work in mind, remember you also have to make a good first impression. The man you are speaking to is trying to decide if he'd like to date you.
That means you have to be friendly, warm AND pleasant. Your job is to create the desire within him to meet you by sharing your best self. Be enjoyable - someone the guy would have fun spending time with. If you only focus on getting through your list of questions, you won't connect or be much fun. That will result fewer first dates.
2. Be realistic - you can't learn everything in the first phone call. Dating is a process and it's purpose is to "gather data". This often takes time. If you try to rush this, you risk turning men off. So, be realistic - there is only so much you can learn in a first phone call. To really know if a man is right for you, most of the time you have to meet him. You need to discover if you connect, have chemistry and the most important hurdle - if he asks you out.
My two matchmaker friends explain that phone interviews squash more potential matches than anything else. They both want me to tell you not to "phone date" which keeps too many people from ever meeting.
3. Keep your questions light - this is a conversation, not an inquisition. Men do not like to be "grilled". (Neither do women right?) If you handle the first phone call like an interview and fire a series of tough personal questions at a man, he will get turned off. This is an unpleasant interaction that will not serve you in any dating situation.
Questions like, "Why did you get divorced?" or "Why are you still single?" will only put him on the spot and make him uncomfortable. You aren't likely to get the real answer any way early on. Why? Because people need to build trust and earn the right to share such personal details. The same is true for you.
What can you ask? Questions about vacations, favorite foods, movies, music and hobbies are all excellent ways to discover a man's passion and get him talking. Then you can find out how he spends his free time to see if there's a spot for you.