5 Dating Tips Experts Are Tired Of Giving You Over And Over Again

frustrated dating coach
Love, Self

Reading about relationships and actually changing your behavior are two very different things!

Articles full of smart dating advice for women can be a lot of fun to read, whether you're authentically searching for answers about your own situation or just happened to get curious about a topic after reading a great headline. As a dating coach for women, I understand that the process of finding love can be confusing and frustrating. It’s not easy being single. And dating after 40 definitely takes some real effort and can feel like a roller-coaster ride. That’s all part of looking for love in midlife. 

The trouble is, too often my dating guidance falls on deaf ears. Seeking answers about love doesn’t mean you’ve actually applied the wisdom you’ve found. Why do so many women "study" dating without following through on making smart changes that will actually bring love into their lives? Because the misery you know is easier to live with; it’s familiar and comfortable. Staying stuck in old patterns gives you an excuse not to push your comfort zones, strive to be your best and face your own stuff.

Well, I’m getting pretty tired of sharing the same guidance over and over. If you want love in your life you have to actually follow the advice experts give you! But, don't worry, I haven't completely given up on you. I found love after 40, which is how I know that you can too. So, for last time, ladies ... here is my best dating advice for women. If you actually implement it, you will find the love you deserve:

  1. Don't Bash Men: The TV show, Sex and the City made sipping cocktails and bashing men a popular pasttime for modern single women. They made it seem fun to trash the opposite sex and blame all your love life troubles on men. But this has a huge, negative impact on your opportunities to actually find love. Bonding over negativity about men breeds more negativity ... and that attitude is not attractive. On the other hand, women who like and appreciate men tend to find love more easily. Men are drawn to women who are positive about life and love. If you want to improve your chances of finding the right man, shift your perspective and start noticing the good behavior and attributes in the men around you.
  2. Stop Texting Men You Aren't Dating: I am saddened by the number of women who get taken in by men who consistently text them, but never date them. He can’t see you because he’s busy at work, spending time with his kids, going to school, etc. Trust me, whatever reason he's offering doesn’t matter. The fact is texting is a great way to cheat without cheating. It offers an ego boost for the unavailable man while providing an easy way to keep you at a distance. I don’t care how cute his texts are or what sweet things he says about you. His little endearments are meaningless unless they are followed up with face-to-face dates on a consistent basis. Everything else is a complete waste of your precious time.
  3. Believe Men When They Say They Don’t Want A Relationship: Men will often tell you they don’t want anything serious, maybe he'll even say this on the first date. Most women react by thinking, He doesn’t mean that about ME. Once he gets to know me, he’ll fall in love with me for sure. Sorry, but no he won’t. I know it’s not easy to always believe what a man says, so try this rule of thumb because it works every time—If a guy you just met starts telling you just about anything to pull you closer quickly, that is when you don‘t believe him. Why? Because you want to wait and see if you really are the woman of his dreams or if he just wants to sleep with you. This is where his consistent pursuit let’s you know more about his intentions. On the other hand, when a man pushes you away with what he says, and tells you, "I don’t want anything serious," that’s the perfect time to take him at his word. He is being honest in this case, letting you know his dating agenda from the start. If you don’t want a casual relationship, that’s your cue to move on, because he will not be the man for you.
  4. Don’t Talk About Your Ex On A First Call Or Date: Even though I coach mostly women, I do work with men, too. I love male clients because I learn so much that I can share with my gals. This summer I worked with two men who both had the same experience over and over again during the first phone conversation or date with women they were interested in. The women they met all talked at length about their romantic history, divorce or breakup. This is such a HUGE mistake on many levels. First, talking about your ex is not fun for a new potential partner. Even if your date asks about your ex, just give him a quick answer and move on. Remember, you are telling a new person about a man who rejected you and that could give this new guy a reason to think your ex was right to let you go. Or, if you rejected your ex and criticize him to your new love interest, most men will feel that disapproval personally even though it’s not about him. You only get one chance to make a good first impression. You want this man to see what a great catch you are. That will never be possible while talking about your divorce, break up, or current dating troubles. Talk about happy topics like vacations, hobbies, sports, movies, TV and music. There will be plenty of time to mutually share your love war stories later.
  5. Do Something Weekly To Meet New Men: If you are in midlife and looking for love, the best strategy to find a guy is to meet new men every week. If you balk at this and think that’s too much effort, you don’t really want to find love. And that's the cold, hard truth. Dating over 40 requires your committed and consistent effort. Another way to look at this is to compare finding love with any other goal in life. If you want to lose weight, get a new job or redecorate your home, the steps are the same. You’ll need to get clear about what you want, do some research, make a plan and take action. What makes you think finding the love of your life should just happen like magic? I know it’s easier to build your career, spend time with your girlfriends, take care of your family, travel and focus on hobbies. You won’t have to face rejection, but you also won’t get any closer to the love you want. I’m not saying you must be in a relationship. I’m just pointing out that if you want a romantic partner, you’ll have to do something on a regular basis to find one. You have to regularly meet new men to find the love you want. 

Now, Put This Advice Into Practice

There you have it, my best dating advice for women. Deep down, my heartfelt hope is that I’ve inspired some readers to consider what’s not working for you and follow this guidance so you can connect with the right man. People fall in love everyday. If you actually follow this advice (versus just reading it), you could be the one to fall in love next.

Are you a single woman over 40 who is ready to start dating or dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need from a dating coach who specializes in helping women over 40 with loads of success stories. Download my FREE book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Single Women Make That Keep You Single so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.


Explore YourTango