Our Love-Hate Relationship With Texting


Our Love-Hate Relationship With Texting
How is cell phone texting working for you? Is it a benefit? Or is it causing relationship issues?

The topic of texting came up over dinner last week. There were five people at our table—two men and three women, ages 21 to 63.

All five of us agreed that texting has become part of our lives and is here to stay (even the ones like me who still can't respond very quickly). We agreed texting has some benefits:


  • Letting someone know you're running late.
  • Gives you time to think about what you want to say before you say it.
  • It lets "u tlk in shthnd."

But then our conversation shifted to the difficulties with texting—something I had been already hearing about from friends, families, and coaching clients.

In particular—how easy it is to misunderstand a text because our voices aren't there to convey the true meaning of the message. And then there's the possibility we type (or the auto-correct feature types for us) something we didn't mean.

The nuances in our voices show our moods. Are we happy, mad, sad, excited, impatient, tired, frustrated, loving, cautious, neutral, afraid, disappointed, concerned, etc.? How do you convey this range of emotions when you aren't using your voice?

We came up with a few suggestions such as using smiley face emoticons and acronyms like "LOL" to text emotions. We decided these were helpful, but didn't fully solve the problem.

Our discussion then moved on to another downside of texting, which is, a few texts can quickly turn into an entire conversation. And this presented a problem for the women at the table who said, "We find texting to be unsatisfying because we feel connected when we talk and texting doesn't feel like talking." At which point the men said this was one of the reasons they like texting—they don't have to talk.

We agreed that most women get annoyed if texting becomes the major method of communication. Both men at the table said they've experienced women getting frustrated when they text and, with this new information, they now understand why.

What's my advice to women who would rather talk by phone to men? When men start a conversation with you via text, send a text back to them saying, "I miss hearing your voice. It would make me so happy if you'd call me."

Then when they call be sure to tell them, "Thanks for calling, it makes me so happy to hear your voice." This is a great incentive for both parties involved. The woman gets her needs met by a more personal form of contact and the man receives appreciation for making her happy. (And, by the way, this is an easy place for women to start setting boundaries in the area of asking for what they want and need.)

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Christine Baumgartner

Dating Coach

I believe you want to love and be loved. And if the love you desire and deserve isn't currently in your life, then let's talk so you can turn the “work” of love into play by putting in place the right techniques for you to finally bring that love into your life.

I know (because it's how I met and married my husband) that once you become The Perfect Catch you'll definitely attract The Perfect Catch.

Christine Baumgartner

Dating and Relationship Expert

The Perfect Catch



Location: Mission Viejo, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Transitions, Marriage
Other Articles/News by Christine Baumgartner:

14 Tips For Flirting Your Way Into A Conversation With ANY Man


When coaching single female clients, the topic of 'how to talk to men' always comes up. In particular, how to talk to men they've never met before or men who seem interesting. Basically, they want to know how to flirt with strangers.  These women's answers tend to fall into two camps: "I'm OK talking to him if the ... Read more

Why Asking 'Does He Like Me?' Will NEVER Help You Find Love


It all starts after that first contact with a wonderful man. We, as women, ask ourselves, "does he like me?" However, at this point, men are on a completely different page, and here are two helpful things women really must understand:  If he writes to you, calls you, talks to you, asks you out, or is sitting across the table from ... Read more

Want To Connect? Do The Opposite Of What These Couples Are Doing


You have a first date scheduled and you're so excited! However you met (online dating, friends, blind date, co-worker, church, etc.) tonight's the night you finally get to sit across a table and get to know this someone special. But, by the end of the date, disappointment has taken over. All of your excitement is gone. What happened? I ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Most Popular