Before you decide to "fire" your boyfriend, consider these questions.
You’re dating Mr. Wonderful. Things are going along really well and then he does "that really upsetting thing." You're mad. You're hurt. You're frustrated. You thought everything was going so well and you don't understand why he would do "that." If he were your employee, you would go to the Human Resources department (HR) and say you want to fire him.
HR is familiar with rocky situations. It's part of their job—they've been trained for it. And they've certainly seen their share of employee blow-ups. Therefore, HR would ask such questions as:
- Did you clearly explain to him what was important to you?
- What did you have in place to ensure he did understand?
- Did you give him appropriate feedback along the way?
- Did you clearly tell him what you needed him to do differently?
If the answer to any of these is no, then HR would say you can't fire him today. They may even call the employee into their office and ask what happened. And, who knows? He might say something like:
- I don't know what I did wrong.
- I thought I understood what she needed.
- It seems like I can't do anything right.
- The rules seem to keep changing.
At this point, HR would recommend you work with someone to help you lay out a plan to address each issue so this difficult situation can have a positive resolution.
Now, back to you and the boyfriend. Other than "that really upsetting thing," you say the relationship had been going very well. Are you sure you want an action as permanent as ending (firing) the relationship (man) over this one upsetting thing? This is a point where working with a dating and relationship coach is so amazingly helpful. As a coach, I'm familiar with relationship tensions. Coaching is my job—I've been trained for it. And I've helped lots of folks through stressful issues.
You and I would process things a little differently than HR would, but ultimately we'd be hoping for the same outcome—resolution of a difficult situation. We'd start the coaching process by making our way through questions appropriate to your particular circumstance. For example:
- Are you feeling heard?
- Has your self-worth taken a hit? If so, how can I help you feel better about yourself?
- Do you have everything you need for you to be successful?
- Does he have everything he needs to be successful?
- Are you doing your part so he can choose success?
- Are you giving him appropriate feedback so he knows what to do?
Together, we would assess the entire situation so a plan can be made. If, along the way, we determine that the upsetting event is truly a deal breaker, we can make a plan for a clean break and talk about how to recover your emotional health following the break. If we determine the upsetting event is only one circumstance in an otherwise very good relationship, we'll discuss how changes can be made so both of your needs can get met.
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