I was talking to one of my female clients in her early 40s who has never been married. She confided in me that she tends to be attracted to good-looking men, but that these relationships fizzle out quickly and don't move forward as she would have hoped. It raised a question that so many of my clients ask me: How do you find love beyond looks?
Yes, looks are important from the standpoint that you have to be attracted to your mate. Especially with women, attraction can grow as you get to know someone over time. However, most of us are looking for someone who makes us feel special, exudes warmth and is someone we can trust.
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Case in point — my husband wasn't initially on my radar. He is a quieter guy who relates better to people one-on-one. I met him through a bicycling group. I had to give him a chance to get to know him. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. I found out we shared many values in common and shared some of the same life goals. He didn't catch my eye at first, but he became more attractive to me over time.
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In another situation, after dating someone whom I thought was cute and more of my "type" at first, I noticed some serious differences in personalities between us. He didn't appreciate me for who I really am — a social person. He became jealous when I talked to friends at a community pool that I have been visiting for many years. And yet, he was off swimming laps when I was having this conversation! This made him much less attractive in my eyes. Keep reading ...
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