Are you letting fear control your dating life?
With Halloween rapidly approaching, it's time to start thinking about gremlins and goblins. To celebrate the holiday, kids and adults alike wear costumes hiding their true selves. Dating is kind of like living in the month of October, isn't it? Or perhaps more accurately, it's like going out to Trick or Treat on October 31st: if you're dating, you never know who you're going to meet as you go from door to proverbial door — and if the experience will be delightful or a big scare!
But here's some food for thought: gremlins and goblins aren't just Halloween characters or your worst-date nightmares. In this context, gremlins and goblins are all of the negative thoughts that pester you and shake your confidence as you venture out in the dating world. First, let's look at a couple of common dating spooks and see which ones you may be encountering along your path to finding lasting love:
The Rejection Gremlin
This gremlin is quite ugly. It abhors rejection and anticipates the worst possible scenario for you. It's steeped in futility. Those plagued by the rejection gremlin may think, "He won't like me, so why should I try?" or, "I'm only going to get rejected, so why bother?" This gremlin keeps you from trying new things and meeting new people.
The "This Can't Work" Goblin
Here you go again with dating fears! You're pretty sure that something will go wrong — because it always does. So why get emotionally invested with a new person? If you're entertaining this goblin, you tend to hold yourself back or you sabotage the relationship and leave "first", so that you don't get hurt.
The "I Should Not Trust You" Gremlin
It's difficult to put your faith in someone else when you have dating fears. And like the "This Can't Work" goblin, this gremlin tells you that whenever you do eventually trust someone, you tend to be disappointed and get hurt. The result is that eventually you don't allow yourself to put your faith in someone, even if they are worthy of your trust. You believe that ultimately they will be unfaithful, so you withhold trust and keep your guard up. This gremlin ensures that true love is thwarted.
The "Who Would Want Me" Goblin
This is a sister to the Rejection gremlin. You don't feel deserving of love and believe that perhaps you are not even meant to have love or the coupled life you envision for yourself. This nasty goblin makes you feel unlovable.
The "I Shouldn't Have to Be Doing This" Gremlin
Dating seems like a sentence for you. You'd rather be spending your time doing something more "productive". Your friends and family members seem to have found their spouses with little or no effort. Why do you need to be working so hard at this? And because you don't feel comfortable showing up at singles events, announcing to the world that you're single, this gremlin keeps you feeling lonely. This leads to our last goblin...
The "All the Good Guys/Gals Have Been Taken" Goblin
You are carrying the belief that there are no good guys (or gals) out there for dating, so you're coming from the scarcity perspective. This is a tainted view of dating — it tuly keeps you from seeing the good qualities in people, and real possibilities for finding a true love.
How do you want to behave when these gremlins and goblins show up at your door? What do you need to do to maneuver around these negative creatures as you venture into the dating world looking for love? My recommendation is to try to keep a positive outlook, and do not fear the worst. Know that you have the resources inside to avoid these gremlins and goblins... or even make friends with them. Know that they are always lurking nearby. But by keeping a positive outlook, you can keep those creatures at bay and overcome your dating fears and get what you want: true love.
So as you are dating this Halloween month, will your luck in love be treats or all tricks?
More dating coach advice on YourTango:
- 8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
- Dating After Divorce? 3 Pitfalls To Avoid
- The Best Dating Advice On YourTango
This article was originally published at Motivated to Marry. Reprinted with permission from the author.