When I review my clients’ profiles for online dating, I look at their search ranges for a mate of age, height, income, personal status (never married, divorced, children) and distance you would go to meet someone. What I see is many are limiting themselves too much and are missing opportunities!
Let’s talk age range. Honestly, I have not seen a successful (non celebrity) relationship that the woman was more that 7 years older. Men, can be up to 15 years older, however, consider their life goals and if they mesh with yours. As a woman I would go 5 years younger and ten years older. As a man, I would look for someone ten years younger and up to 5 years older.
What if someone lies about their age? Well there is nothing that you can do. When you meet them, you will probably be able to determine if the person has been truthful. Sometimes age really matters especially if you are looking to have a family. Otherwise, age is a preference and is not that critical. I have seen some young looking energetic people in their 60’s and those appear much older than their years in their 30’s.
Now, what about height? Do your really need a man who is over 6 feet? Height may be important, however, I have seen many relationships that the man is the same height or even somewhat shorter than the woman. What really matters is their personality and how the man makes you feel.
When considering personal status, many times I my dating advice is to date people you have considered to be off limits in the past. It’s always good to check out their story and not assume stuff. If they are over 40 and never married, then what were the circumstances that led to that? Where is that person now in their life? What do they want? My husband was 47 and never married. I had to get over my prejudice about who had never have been married who were over 40. (As a divorced person I used to thing, “What’s wrong with them?”).
Also, I usually advise my clients to not date someone who is separated. (They are not technically or emotionally available). However, there are circumstances where the separated person is through their difficulties with their ex and is waiting for the legal date of the divorce. One of my clients successfully married a man who was finishing up his divorce. Everything was in place for the divorce and her husband had been emotionally separated for a very long time. As it turns out the man was ready to move forward with my client and start a new life and a family.
And last, how far would you go for love? Many times my dating advice to my clients is to widen their search to 100 miles from 25 miles radius. That is a city away. I live in Washington, DC and 100 miles would include Philadelphia, Baltimore and Richmond. That is a doable drive during a weekend. Would you be willing to travel 500 miles for love? Across an ocean? Across to the other side of the world?
Are you willing to challenge yourself on who you are willing to date? What can you do to widen your search scope?
This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject. (Click comment link at the end of this blog post)
Your relationship coach,