Let’s say you have been dating someone exclusively for several months. The guy (or gal) you are dating has some wonderful qualities. You enjoy being with him (or her) and may even like his family and friends. However, something’s not just right. You can’t really put your finger on it. You would like to give yourself completely to the relationship and yet, something is telling you to that you should be looking outside the relationship and perhaps, to date other people. You may be in an almost relationship. That is one that is “almost, not quite”.
These are the hardest to let go of – because there is some good in it. You may be telling yourself, “things can change”, or “it just takes more time”.
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Let me tell you- in most cases, it won’t get better. Those things that bother you will become more pronounced. It’s always difficult to leave the known for the unknown. What may be standing in your way to committing fully to this relationship?
1. You like being with the person, but something key is missing.
Here you admire many qualities of the person and she has all the characteristics that she possesses. Yet, something is missing. For some, it’s something called chemistry. You may not be that attracted to the person. Or there is a level of intimacy that you just can’t get to. In a sense, you may be selling yourself short. Or you may be telling
yourself, “The more I get to know her, the more I may be attracted to the person”. Yet, for many it never happens.
2. One of your core values is not being honored!
Your values are the part of you that has to be in sync or you will not be very happy. Your values can only be suppressed for so long! For example, you value open and honest relationships. You discover that your boyfriend has lied to you on several occasions. He says that he is protecting your feelings. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Since this constant lying is driving you crazy and dishonesty not something you can live with, you will ultimately break up.
3. There is some aspect of the person you cannot tolerate on a longterm basis.
When your girlfriend is on her best behavior you are totally in love with her. However, she is very moody and you never know which person will show up – the loving, happy person or the miserable, nasty person. You try to be supportive of her, and yet, you have to constantly be on your guard to protect yourself from Ms. Nasty. This relationship becomes too hard for you to maintain and enjoy, so you decide to move on.
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4. The relationship is not moving towards the level of commitment as you would have hoped for.
You have been dating your boyfriend for over 2 years now and are 38 years old. You have been acting like a couple in every way. You even live together. You would like to get married like your friends and there is nothing really standing in his way. It seems as though your boyfriend is happy with the status quo. You finally come to the conclusion that things will probably not change unless you make a drastic move. You wished that he would ask you to marry you on his own. So you are put in the position of giving him an ultimatum. Now you will see if he is willing to live without you or not.