When the person your Mom loves isn't what he seems, but they won't listen to you. Here is my story.
Having a broken or should I say blended family is normal these days, but what if the person your parent is in love with isn't as he appears. My intuition has always been spot on, my Mom's not so much. So when I met him for the first time, the man she was dating, in less than 5 minutes I knew he wasn't a good guy. After the meeting I told my Mom to run as fast as she could in the other direction, I was only 17 at the time and knew this relationship would be tumultuous at best.
The relationship went from casual dating, to him and his 3 children moving in, in a matter of a few months. That first time they moved in it lasted 2 weeks. I told my Mom it was them or me. Then my Mom had a crazy idea that she and I should buy a house together. I had just turned 18 and had a great job, making more money than some 30 year olds. I thought I might as well help her and buy a house with her. She promised me that he wouldn't move in, while the house was in my name. He moved in 4 weeks later unofficially of course. Then he was officially moved in with his 17-year-old daughter and his other 2 kids came every other weekend 6 months later.
At this time I was going through a lot of health issues. I was having surgery after surgery and was on disability more often than not. After I had my first back surgery and was recovering, mind you I was still paying a third of the household expenses, he told my Mom that I needed to get out of my bed and help them clean up after my dog. I had just had a lumbar fusion on 2 levels and he was expecting me to clean up after my dogs.
This was the running theme when I would have surgery. He expected and even had my Mom convinced that in 2 weeks I should be back to normal. After having a few knee surgeries and back surgeries, he told my Mom he thought I was physically dislocating my knee, so I could have surgery again and be off work. He basically made it out to seem I was crazy and had munchausen syndrome. I actually started to believe I was crazy. I kept having surgeries that wouldn't fix me and I would be under the knife again within months of repairing the same thing.
I found out when I was 25 years old that I had Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a connective tissue disorder, it basically means my collagen, which collagen is everything in your body, joints, bones, skin, tendons, ligaments, organs, etc was defective, and the collagen is loose meaning we tear and dislocate things easily. After this diagnosis he still thought I was purposely having surgeries to not work. Mind you I had worked since I was 12 and wished I could still be working and have some semblance of a life, instead of my life in my bed.
My Mom knew I despised this man, so while they were on a vacation they eloped. When she came home to tell me, I lost it and screamed for her to get my name off of the house. I knew he was going to screw with her finances even more so than he already had. She knew she would have to elope, because I would have objected had they had a real wedding.
My Mom and him fought a lot, mostly about me and money. He supposedly didn't have enough money to pay the third of the bills, which was $525 a month, because of his spousal and child support. So my Mom and I were basically paying for him and his baggage. She kicked him out multiple times and let him come back multiple times. I started to realize that no matter what he did, she would forgive him.
In 2009, my Mom and him were having a huge fight. I heard glass breaking and thought he was hurting her, he had already had 2 domestic violence charges on his record. The first one was never known about until the second one happened. Back to the fight, I ran into their room and got in his face. He pushed me into their closet door which dislocated my shoulder. I thought then she would divorce him. She didn't.
I ended up moving exactly 29 days after that incident. I was so desperate to get out of that house I went onto a website to find a roommate and found a nice girl who lived in Columbus. I got lucky that she was a great person, because living with someone you have no idea who they are, isn't exactly comforting and it was scary in the beginning, never knowing if she was an ax murderer or had some crazy quirk.
My Mom's husband was then fired from his job, that he had for over 20 years. He thought it was a perfectly sane idea to put a noose on his desk. Which obviously offended many people. So he was terminated. He did find another job, but was not making the money he had been. My Mom had spent so much of her money and her credit cards were maxed out. She also had to be put on disability, because she was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, as well as neuropathy. He swore up and down that he had no money to help her pay her credit cards, so she wouldn't have to file bankruptcy.
He refused to help her, even though she had helped him financially for the whole 10 years they were together. She started to realize it was time to divorce him. She kicked him out and started the divorce proceedings. She came across his records in his desk and found out he had over 80 grand in IRA's and savings, he had it all along, and when she needed his help, he refused. But, took her and my money willingly.
She didn't make out very well in the divorce, even with her being disabled. In the city she lives in it's a man's world and they made her look like a shopaholic and not responsible enough. He tried to take the house, even though it was a premarital asset, since she and I bought it together before I transferred the deed to her and they refinanced together. They've been divorced one year and he is behind on spousal support and owes over 20 grand and is in contempt of court again.
Recently, my Mom filed contempt charges and we are awaiting the court date. But, in the midst of all this I went up to my Mom's attic to grab my childhood toys and other pictures and learned they were missing. He had thrown them away. So my childhood memories were taken because of a sociopath who wanted to hurt myself and my Mom. He always had a weird fixation on me. He used to say he would videotape me in the shower and talk about sex to me. He also beat my two dogs, because they were mine. He also threatened to bury nails in the backyard, so if my German Shepard dug into the yard she would hurt her paws on them. He also wrote in his journal about my daily activities.
I was hopeful when they divorced that this would be over and we could move on and never mention the man's name again. Unfortunately, I know it will be a long time before his name will be forgotten. I feel bad for my Mom, because she is such a trusting and caring person, she helped him when no one else could or would and he screwed her over. The Webster dictionary really should have his picture next to the term narcissism and sociopath. He is now about to move in with his new girlfriend. I pray for her. She's going to need it.
Christy Goldstein is a relationship coach and can help you with all your relationship needs. Whether you need help with your current relationship challenges or to get over your past breakups and the events that happened during that break up, she has you covered! Contact Christy for a free 30 minute Skype consult! email@example.com