Relationship Equality

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Relationship Equality
Are we as women asking too much when we want our partners to "show" their love for us?

I have had a lot of relationships in my 30 years and it seems they all have something in common, there lack of equality. A lot of my relationships and my friends relationships have one thing that is consistent, us. We are consistent with how we treat our partners, but our partners are lacking in showing us their appreciation for us. 

We cook, clean, shop, and pay for the majority of the relationship it seems and we never get anything back. I have paid for nights out, clothes, accessories, ect. When it comes to them returning the favor even if it is not the same amount monetarily it seems I am always waiting for it to be returned or even appreciated. 

In the past few years I have dated and my friends have dated men that are financially unstable so we are constantly helping them to get where they and of course where we would like them to be. And if they in fact get to that spot where we both are happy where they are; they are already so used to us taking care of everything that they never expect us to change or they don't want us to expect them to pay for that next meal or buy us something nice that we have wanted. 

Once the patterns have been set it is hard for men and women to change that pattern. So if we go to the store and buy food for both of us, if we don't tell them they need to pay their half, they won't expect to pay or even offer to pay their part. I have seen marriages where the man was in dire straights and the woman helped him out of those circumstances and once he was financially secure and the woman was not any longer because she paid for him, he continued on his way and didn't offer to help her. Even though it is morally correct to help her, as she had helped you. I have seen these men take and when there was nothing else to take they took off leaving her with nothing and him with everything.

So is this the norm? Since women are making more money and are excelling in their jobs are we expected to pay for the man since he had paid for us in the old days? Even though most women had a job back then and it was taking care of the home and the children. And now it's not the same. For most couples both of them work, so how do we divide what is going to be ok for both parties when one is not as financially successful as the other? 

Do we continue to help and pray they don't leave us when they are financially secure and making them more secure in themselves as well? It seems it depends on the situation for each couple. But, I do know I am not going to recommend anyone, man or woman to pay for the other unless they are in a marriage situation, because the fact remains we give to get back and if there is no return from helping the other, then what is the point? When things become expected is when you need to re-evaluate your relationship with that person.

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Christy Goldstein

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