Your night of passion will be as magical as the words you use!
"I want sex" or "Let's have sex" are the three words you thought of, I bet. And yes, those words can certainly have that effect. However, for this article I'm going to talk about a few different three-word phrases you might not have thought of. These have the potential of turning him on just as much (and sometimes even more).
In a recent article of mine, The 3 Words Every Woman Loves To Hear, I wrote about three simple words that act like magic to boost a woman's libido. Since then, several readers have asked for an article about words that boost a man's libido. So, here they are.
1. I Trust You.
It's important to a man for the woman in his life to trust him. It adds to his attraction if he knows she trusts his word, trusts he has her best interest at heart, and trusts he's always doing his best. This is definitely a turn-on for him.
I like to use an example I learned from Alison Armstrong: What if the man in your life wasn't misbehaving and truly had a good reason for what he did or said? If you trust that he has your best interest at heart and trust he is always doing his best, this becomes be a much easier question to answer.
2. I Appreciate You
I often hear male coaching clients complain about the topic of appreciation. These are men who are feeling underappreciated by the women in their lives. One client said that even if he were to come home and tell her he'd discovered the cure for cancer, she'd still complain that he hadn’t remembered to take out the trash!
When coaching women who are already in a relationship, I often ask them to find ten things each day that they're grateful for, and then to remember to thank their husbands for those things. For example:
- Thank you for working so hard to provide for our family.
- Thank you for coming home every night to be with us.
- Thank you for understanding my difficult father.
- Thank you for spending time with our children (homework, baths, sports, etc.)
- Thank you for coming to the party with me when you'd rather be doing something else.
When a woman concentrates on the things she likes about her partner and says them out loud to him, she becomes happier with him because (1) she's spending more time concentrating on the positive things instead of the negative things and (2) when he consistently hears her positive comments, he'll want to do more to please her (and then great sex is likely to happen for both of them).
3. I Admire You
Opportunities for admiration could be something like:
- What does he do that he's better at than you are? For example, my neighbor isn't a cook. When she and her husband entertain, she gets nervous about the food. But he comes through every time. She admires him (out loud), saying things like "that paella would definitely win a cooking contest" or "what a wonderful meal, it was 4-star restaurant quality." He feels good, and he feels open to her and receptive on many levels (more great sex).
- What does he do that you don't like doing? My client hates technical support calls; her partner is happy to take on those tasks. After he finishes a call, she glows with appreciation, listens to the entire story, and admires his ability to figure out the details and stay calm. He basks in her praise. Intimacy can easily follow.
4. I’m Happy When…
Women naturally want their men to be and do their best. So, when a woman sees something she thinks her man can do differently to bring positive changes into his life, she wants to tell him. But here's the problem. The man will often hear this as criticism and not as loving support. Feeling criticized leads to distancing and/or anger which does not lead to good sex!
How to avoid the criticism trap? First, tell your partner what he's doing right. Compliment him, praise him. And then tell him what could be handled differently. Then finish up by again telling him what he does right. Chances are really good that he'll hear your suggestion in a positive way.
In conclusion, I'd like to stick to our theme of "three" by listing three simple things that are so rewarding to a loving sexual relationship:
- Say thank you for what he already does (especially before you ask him to do something else).
- Feed him. To be at his best, he needs to be fully fueled.
- Don't be afraid to be the initiator. Men want women to want to make love with them, and they like the woman to be the initiator sometimes. Men are grateful if women pay attention to how many days it's been.
I speak with people every day to coach them through this and many other elements of their dating and relationships. I start by using my proven coaching methods, and then add to that ideas and solutions for your unique situations. I'd love to hear about the challenges you’re experiencing in dating and relationships.