If you’ve ever been in a relationship, no doubt that at some point you’ve found yourself confused as to whether you should keep it going or end it and move on. And if you are like most people it can be a really difficult decision. Wrapped up in your own emotional hurricane, torn between your heart saying, “I love him” or “I love her” and something else inside saying, “But you are unhappy!” it’s almost impossible to find the truth. Instead, we end up waffling in indecision, trying to keep the relationships going, confused and totally handicapped to make the best decision for ourselves.
And who can blame us for this lack of clarity? After all, we’ve been brainwashed for generations – by fairy tales, movies, and bad training – to believe that when you love someone you must stay and fight, forever if need be, right? Wrong! The truth is that love has little to do with the choice to stay or go. Once you love someone you love that person forever, but that doesn't mean that they are the best life partner for you.
If you wait around for the day you fall out of love with someone before making the decision to leave, you’ll either cling on forever or drive the relationship to dramatic and devastating proportions to justify ending it – both bad ideas! The truth is that people don’t fall out of love, they fall out of intimacy, trust and respect, the foundations of a great relationship, and three things really hard to get back when they’re gone.
So next time you find yourself standing at the crossroads of evaluating if this person is really for you, check in on these 5 tell-tale signs that they probably aren’t.
5 Signs That This One Isn’t “The One”
1. Your intuition is trying to get your attention. If you are getting signs or feelings that maybe this isn’t the right relationship for you, it’s probably not. The worst action you can take is to slough off the signs and not give them the credence they warrant. Signs can range from voices in your head (no you aren’t schizophrenic, it’s your intuition talking!), to feelings in your gut like anxiety and dread or just a sixth sense (you shouldn't be nervous on your wedding day, excited yes, full of anxiety no), to visual cues like dreams and visions. Intuition is your best friend and it never lies. So many people could have saved themselves a lot of suffering if they would have just listened to what their intuition was telling them all along.
2. You’ve bought into The Blip Effect. You get excited about the slightest degree of change in your guy or girl, believing the big change is just around the corner. You use that blip to carry you through the following months when you wait … and wait… and wait for the big change to come. Best case, they stay at the same place the minor blip moved them to. Worst case, they revert back to the way they were. Usually, they land somewhere in between but always you are left to call on your reserves of hope that one day this person will be the partner you want. He or she hardly ever is. You are on a roller coaster – the Blip Effect – using the highs to sustain yourself, forgetting how crappy you feel the rest of the time. This is not a ride you want to be on.
3. You talk more about him or her and your relationship than you do about your own life and dreams. People who have great relationships don’t spend very much time talking about them to others.