The #1 Key to Attracting a Healthy Relationship
By Date Coach Christian Anderson. Posted on .
The #1 Key to Attracting an Amazing Relationship
There are a myriad of ways to get ourselves out there to attract a good mate into our lives. The 21st Century has afforded almost every way possible to mingle with the opposite sex. If you are socially active, you can make sure that you are out and about every chance you get and can strategize which locations and functions best match the values of the person you are seeking. If you prefer a digital wingman, you can fill out a 17 page questionnaire on several dating sites to increase the chances of finding that special one who is also looking for a relationship. You can also lean on your friends to be set-up, or, go one step further, and hire yourself a matchmaker. All of these strategies can be very effective and put you in the driver seat for meeting your life long partner.
HOWEVER, all of that work will be in vain if you do not take care of one thing before entering the dating market. There is one relationship that we sometimes leave at the front door when we date, and that is the most important one of all…with OURSELVES.
Corny? You bet. Necessary? Absolutely.
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When we slack on developing a healthy relationship with ourselves, then who knows what we will bring to a relationship, and furthermore, who we will attract?
If our reason to get into a relationship is “to complete” ourselves as Jerry Maguire taught us, then all of our happiness and fulfillment is resting on the shoulders of this other person. Not only does it set the stage for co-dependency, but an incredible amount of pressure for the relationship.
If our reason to get into a relationship is to validate ourselves in our family’s eyes since we are still single, then we will be constantly seeking validation from this other person, whom we have no control over.
When we look for completion or self-validation or self-confidence from a relationship, all of our energy is pointed outwards and reveals what we are missing within ourselves. Beyond creating a co-dependent relationship, it can also lead us to attracting mates based on need instead of choice.
For example, a need for validation can lead one to purposefully be attracted to a wounded soul in hopes that they can be their fixer. Playing “the fixer” can create a sense of self-validation that is missing internally. Is this wounded soul truly the best match or do they just fulfill a need and void within the self?
The question to ask amongst all of this is what am I seeking in another person that potentially is reflective of what is missing within my own self? If you discover a few answers, then ask yourself how you can begin to provide that need for yourself, without the assistance of another person.
