Finding a fabulous romantic partner can be tough enough without your mom sabotaging your chances for lasting love after you may have found it. No matter how understanding and patient your increasingly significant other is, there are still limits. We're seeing this damaging dynamic play out right before our eyes on Real Housewives of Atlanta as the romance between Kandi Burruss and Todd Tucker is beginning to show the strain. It's important to love and respect your mom; however, if you allow her to stand between you and your partner by failing to set the necessary boundaries, you could lose your special someone altogether. If you've got mom troubles, I've got three simple steps you can follow to prevent what's happening to Kandi and Todd, from happening to you and the love in your life.
Revise Your Focus: Once you choose to bring your love interest around mom, you've got to revise your focus from being singular to cooperative. In other words, you need to operate like a team and have your lover's back. Critical stares, insulting comments, and awful accusations are just a sampling of what Kandi Burruss' fiancé Todd has had to endure at the hands of Mama Joyce on RHOA. Even worse, Todd has been repeatedly forced to take the verbal beating while Kandi watches in silence. It's natural for your mom to see you and your partner separately, which is why you'll need to guide her. Your partner will be looking to you for help and it's crucial that you be there. If you sit idly by and watch the person you're dating be attacked by your mom, you'll likely find him or her saying bye bye to you, your mom, and your relationship.
Revisit Your Rules Regarding Mom: If you're feeling blocked or powerless when it comes to setting boundaries with your mom, you probably need to revisit and possibly rewrite some of your current rules and obligations. Perhaps, like Kandi, you were told that you must always respect your mom, yet your current definition leaves no room for discussion, compromise, or boundaries. Ask yourself what your rules are when it comes to communicating with your mom. Redefine them in a way that creates mutual respect and factors in your needs. You can accept your mom's feelings, but you can't allow her to abuse your love interest at will.
Set the Necessary Ground Rules: Set the parameters that enable your mom and partner to co-exist so you can enjoy your relationships with both of them. There are times when your mom might not like or trust the person that you're dating. However, there is a difference between your mom respecting your partner, and your mom respecting you by showing respect to your partner. In Kandi and Todd's case, despite Kandi's mom insulting Todd at every turn, Kandi remains silent. When your mom is acting hostilely toward your partner, it's up to you to stop the madness and set the ground rules. It's very simple — concerns and gripes should be addressed in private conversations while behavior in group situations should be civil.
Take the note from Kandi and Todd's situation. Once a sweet, supportive and seemingly easy going couple, the love connection between Kandi and Todd seems to be on the decline according to Todd’s most recent comments on WWHL where he forebodingly stated that they are "taking things one day at a time right now." Thus if Todd is the opportunist Kandi's mom has accused him of being...he appears to be seeing less opportunity with Kandi. End a relationship on your terms instead of at the mercy of your mother's interference.
More effective communication advice from YourTango: