CharlesJOrlando

Top 3 Ways Women Sabotage Their Chances At Finding Love

By

love advice for women
If you don't know how to be happy with yourself, you won't be happy in a relationship.
Odds are you're getting in your own way.

Love is challenging enough to find without self-defeating behaviors. As such, many women can't find a successful relationship and they become their own worst enemy. After discussing the issues with over 250 women on Facebook, many were awakened to their own behaviors and how they were subconsciously destroying their chances for love. If you're a woman, here are the top three ways you stop yourself from finding the relationship you deserve:

1. You put your ex on a pedestal
.

More from YourTango: 10 Ways Men Screw Up First Dates

After a breakup, we tend to look at our exes as perfect. We look past the issues that caused the breakup and remember only the good parts of a relationship. Even worse, we don't see our own contributions to how the relationship failed. This rose-colored glasses viewpoint can have a detrimental effect on future relationships for a number of reasons:

  • You think, "No one will ever be like him." You compare future romantic interests to the good parts of your past relationship. As a result, you search for and find all the flaws in the new guy, and talk yourself out of discovering someone new.
  • No self-reflection or transition past the relationship. By mentally staying in a past relationship, you limit yourself for the future. You subconsciously stay stagnant in the hopes that he might return and you'll be back together.
  • You think, "Nothing like my first love." Even established relationships can be affected by an ex long past. If you still hold a candle for a first love, instead of investing in your present with a current partner, you can sabotage your relationship. You'll struggle with unnecessary arguments, tension and disconnection because you'll keep your current partner at arm's length emotionally.


2. You make the relationship work ... all by yourself.

Too many women get stuck in thinking that the relationship needs them to make it work. You may get treated well, but your partner isn't actively investing — he's just doing the bare minimum to keep the relationship going. This causes you to wonder what you're doing wrong. Most often, this situation is the result of having your self-esteem locked up in that relationship. You think that if you do more, your partner will come around and love you. Then, you will finally be worthy of love. This is a self-esteem trap, and it leads to clinginess, insecurity and (in extreme cases) love addiction.

More from YourTango: Get Real: Men (Honestly) Share Their Top 10 Gripes About You

A relationship takes two people. If one is gun-shy — or not on the same page emotionally — there will be a disconnection, which can lead to this kind of cat-and-mouse game. You need to have a firm grasp on your values and your identity as a woman. If you don't know how to be happy with yourself, you won't know how to be happy in a relationship. Keep reading...

More love advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Charles J. Orlando

Author

You can also follow me on:

http://www.facebook.com/theproblemismen

http://twitter.com/charlesjorlando

Email: advice@theproblemismen.com

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Charles J. Orlando:

10 Ways Men Screw Up First Dates

By

Relationships should be equal, but when it comes to dating — especially first dates — things are different. Dating is where men step up, with sincerity, and show their interest in someone. But some men either don't know or don't show that they understand or accept this concept. Equality or not, courtship is primal. She wants him to pursue, ... Read more

Get Real: Men (Honestly) Share Their Top 10 Gripes About You

By

Ask any love expert what the main cornerstone of a relationship is, and you will likely hear the same thing: communication. But for so many people, communication means to speak, when the real keys to a successful relationship is active listening and empathy. There's no sense in putting out what you feel about something if it's not going to be heard and ... Read more

Get Real: Men (Honestly) Share Their Top 10 Gripes About You

By

Ask any love expert what the main cornerstone of a relationship is, and you will likely hear the same thing: communication. But for so many people, communication means to speak, when the real keys to a successful relationship is active listening and empathy. There's no sense in putting out what you feel about something if it's not going to be heard and ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

valentines-flowers-surprise

Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.

Brain

Why Do Men Hide Their Emotions?

The emotional processing in the male and female brain is not the same....

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS