Far too many "normal guys" DELIBERATELY get a woman falling down drunk to have sex with her.
I've been reading the reports of Bill Cosby's broken destroyed legacy. His admission (as part of now-unsealed, sworn court testimony) of giving Quaaludes to women in order to have sex with them has triggered a continued fallout — from a new criminal investigation on the part of the LAPD to Disney removing a statue of him from Walt Disney World's Hollywood Studios theme park.
His alleged crimes — by his own admission — are despicable.
But, here's the thing: Cosby is in the limelight. He's had power in the entertainment world, and through his above-the-law, narcissistic behavior he had the means and opportunity to rape and violate a staggering number of women.
But Cosby is far from alone, and I don't mean other celebrities. It's the unspoken approach to getting laid in today's Tinder-esque, "give-her-a cocktail-to-loosen-her-up" way of dating and hooking up.
Young men in all walks of life follow a similar path to Bill Cosby, but don't have his fame … so it's not discussed.
Cosby did it with Quaaludes, but how many college coeds have a few drinks too many every night — constantly nudged and encouraged to chug a few more by their male counterparts? How many chants of "No means yes! Yes means anal!" are heard echoing across the front doorsteps of freshman dorms at universities across the country?
Bill Cosby is just the tip of the iceberg. He's the easiest target because the juxtaposition between his legacy and his personal (read: criminal) activities are so glaring. Yet, every day women are reportedly (and unreportedly) being coerced and/or deliberately led into a drunken stupor so that men can have sex with them — from frat parties and random hook-ups on Tinder to casual encounters on Craigslist, and high school jocks getting girls drunk, only to violate them on the living room floor in front of other party-goers.
As I write these accounts, I have a sick feeling in my stomach. It's deplorable, disgusting, and devoid of basic humanity.
However, beyond the sick and twisted nature of date rape, what does this say about these men?
These are adult men who want to have sex with an incapacitated woman? A woman who isn't able to participate? (Or put up a fight if they don't want to take part?)
Do their online dating or Facebook bios read something like: "Turn ons: Sleeping, drunk, or incapacitated woman to lay comatose while I place my penis inside her vagina and call myself "a man." Physical or mental participation is not needed for me to get off."
I mean, really! What. The. F*cking. F*ck?
Sure, there are numerous people with an even greater number of fetishes involving power play, restraints, submissive behavior but those people are choosing to partake in the submission-side of sex. Consent is everything in that sexual subculture. They are fully aware and involved. They are willing participants.
But meanwhile, mainstream men are aiming for sex with women who aren't coherent … and this is a turn-on?? Dudes actually high-five each other over bullshit like this? I don't get it.
And here comes society, warning women to take responsibility for their actions, and to "not drink so much" so they aren't placed in a compromising position. I get some of that — pay attention to your environment and the people around you —protect yourself against those who would do you harm. Don't drink so much that you aren't able to make good choices. Sure! That all makes sense. Now … can we get to the real discussion?
I don't know why this level of education is necessary, but perhaps some "warning" for men IS (since it's apparently somehow not common knowledge):
1. "Just because she's sleeping doesn't mean she is into you."
2. "Passing out isn't a silent invitation for sex."
And perhaps most important:
3. "The absence of a 'no' is not an implied 'yes'."
To the men who enjoy having sex with women who are incoherent: You are unfortunately sick in the head. Get some f*cking therapy.
If you can't, live away from those with basic humanity and common decency. Or, just walk into the ocean … and keep walking. Nothing wrong with taking yourself out of the gene pool if you're a broken human that is beyond repair.