Get back to your sexy self again.
"I have forgiven my ex," I insisted.
"I don't think so," my sensual massage therapist said as he picked up my hand and pressed into a point in my palm.
"OW!" I squealed in protest and tried to pull my hand out of his grip — he was right.
An expert at releasing the ache from exes in the past, this man's sensual massage treatments are changing me. With special strokes and acupressure on sensually stimulating points around the body, my treatments are healing me deeply.
Being touched by a man in the same areas of the body that I had been hurt has helped me get over my divorces and being touched improperly by my father.
I shouldn't have given up my right to be touched lovingly.
In my first marriage, I made a costly decision. My then fiancee was not one for affection, so I clearly and deliberately decided that I could deal and that I could live without that affection. Looking back, it's hard to believe I could make such a choice. I can see now that it set me up to compromise to my own detriment over and over again.
I then stayed married for 29 years to said guy. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being non-affectionate and there is nothing wrong with him. What was "wrong" was my deciding to be with him anyway, giving away my right to be touched lovingly.
My massage therapist has been helping me recognize those consequences and how to release the pain at long last. Through this specialized massage, he brings healthy, nurturing and safe touch to a body ravaged by sexual abuse, neglect, cancer, and self-loathing.
It's important to have your sexual needs satisfied in a professional, nurturing, and safe environment.
Since I started with my sensual massage treatments just three short months ago, it's helped me get over my divorces and given me a major shift in my self confidence, both sexually and socially.
I am attracting more attractive men to date. I am doing better financially. I have been asked to contribute to a book on gratitude by Pam Grout (author of E-Squared). My relationships with family and friends are deepening and I am feeling content and whole.
I don't know if I will marry again. Today I say no, but staying open to all possibilities is something I love to do. What I know for sure is that having sensual massages in my life is fabulous. Having my sexual needs satisfied is making all the emotional baggage from my past fall away.
For the first time, I am not compromising my deepest needs with the men in my life. I am dating more than one man at a time which allows me lots of time to get to know potential partners. If it is not a fit, I am saying so gently, firmly and kindly and moving on. Instead of molding myself to match the man, I am getting to know my real self, my true appetites and my worth and value as a woman.
So here is the down and dirty. Here are the 7 reasons sensual massages should be on your divorce recovery menu:
1. You really do matter.
The first thing I did was to sit down with the sensual massage therapist at a neutral location, so I could meet him and check out his vibe. I was intimidated by dating, and the demands of the men who want sex on a first date.
He put me at ease and helped me invest in myself with the treatments. "You matter." Those words echoed in my mind.
2. You can't hide your issues.
Massages in the hands of a healer, sensual or not, will bring your unexpressed feelings out in the open. You may think you are doing fine and that getting away from your ex fixed everything. With sensual massage and a trusted therapist, physical pain in intimate places are handled gracefully and efficiently.
You can't hide your hurt feelings in sensual massage. Eliminating unexpressed grief and sadness over your breakup is critical before you move on to your next lover.
3. You deserve pleasure.
I spent more than half my life married to men who didn't appear to enjoy my pleasure. Sex seemed to be all about them and my arousal was only about getting ready for sex. Imagine my surprise when I finally met someone who cared about MY pleasure — it unlocked something I had never thought was possible.
At 63 I am being schooled on my own body and he continually encourages me to believe that I deserve pleasure.
4. You can rekindle your fading libido.
You may be like me and actually become sexually dormant because of marriage problems, health of your spouse, or a naturally low libido. Sensual Massage is not about your clitoris, vagina or breasts — it's about getting in touch with that part of yourself that you lost along the way.
The most magical part of my experience is the heights of pleasure I reach without involving my lady bits at all.
5. You can become more confident in yourself (and attract more dates).
"All he wants is sex." I have heard that hundreds of times from lonely women who can't find a man to date. I always tell them, "Oh course they do!" Most single men are horny, so you might as well face it. Newly divorced women may be super vulnerable, as they are also sexually starving.
Addressing your sexual insecurities before you date will change the game for you. Men can barely resist a sexually savvy woman.
6. You will move on from your past relationship.
Sensual Massage will fulfill you and wake up your sexual energy. When you experience pleasure from a man who doesn't want anything from you emotionally or physically, you will be shocked at the impact.
Separating sensuality from relationship and even from love will clear your ex and all his shenanigans from your mind. There is nothing like feeling desirable to soothe the bruised ego that goes along with divorce recovery. When you are not ready to date, sensual massage is one of the safest and most logical options available.
7. You will make better decisions when picking your new partner.
Even though sex during divorce recovery is controversial, according to CA Divorce, "Some people believe that if you're emotionally ready and don't feel attached to your ex any longer, casual sex can bring happiness, relaxation and the reminder that life will go on without your ex." I agree.
Casual sex with a friend with benefits is certainly helping me heal. Sexual massages prepare you to pick wisely. Having sexual needs met by an objective and caring professional before casual sex helps you make better decisions.
Now that I am receiving regular sensual massage I am saying "no" to more men than I say "yes" to when it comes to dating. I am not sex starved and desperate in any way. The odd thing is, men are pursuing me even more. The more I say no, the more fascinated they are.
Curious about sensual massage? You can read all about it right here: SensualMassageSD.com. Catherine Behan is a dating coach from San Diego, CA. If you are wondering why you are still single, Take The Soul Mate Quiz and find out right now!