The Pros & Cons of Success: Why You Haven't Found The One


The Pros & Cons of Success: Why You Haven't Found The One
Does success make good love relationships harder? Sometimes it seems so.

Successful women often question why it's so hard to develop a good love relationship. Many ask if successful men are afraid of them, if successful men secretly want someone they can feel better than.

The truth is that good love relationships are hard for everyone; not the falling in love part—that's easy. Staying in love and attracted is another matter, and the difficulty seems more puzzling to women who are used to success.


"I know I'm smart and attractive, able to take on challenges and do well; I get on great with my co-workers and my boss, so why is it that my problems with (fill in the blank name) seem unsolvable? What's the matter with him? Or with me? This is getting to me—it's eroding my confidence.

Sometimes the very qualities that aid in success can be a handicap. Without even knowing it, a lot of very successful people get used to being on top, having the upper hand, and good relationships can require a vulnerability and openness that feel uncomfortable. Can you stand being hurt without insisting someone did wrong? Can you accept hearing that you have hurt someone without getting defensive?

There used to be stereotypes about men who couldn't (wouldn't) feel and the supportive women who helped them open their more tender sides.
When two people have cultivated the qualities that foster professional success, both may have to work harder emotionally. At their core, good love relationships are sustained by emotional and sexual intimacy in additional to being fed by common interests and attractive images.

A good brain and perseverance can do a lot to help people succeed. An ability to possess and handle your own heart, its ups and downs and the many rhythms in between, and an ability to know someone else's can help build and sustain love.

That can be as hard as doing rocket science while running a marathon.

The magical part is that it's possible and worth it.

More relationship coach advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Carol Freund


Carol L. Freund, LCSW

Holistic Psychotherapy with a Relational Approach

Location: Flemington, NJ
Credentials: LCSW, MA
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