How To Stop Ghosting People You Date & Grow Up
getty Ghosting is one of those annoying and inevitable experiences singles face when online dating. If you've ever ghosted someone or have been ghosted yourself, you know it's not a fun experience.
You need to know how to stop ghosting people so you can have healthy, adult relationships that don't carry the sting of ghosting baggage into your next love.
You may justify your choice to ghost someone, because you're too lazy to craft a thoughtful message explaining yourself. And sometimes, you don't intend to ghost someone.
You realize days later you forgot to return that text or you left a message "unread," leaving the person on the other side wondering what they did to offend you or to halt engagement.
If you find yourself struggling for an explanation and wanting to reconnect, there are a few ways you can make it right and connect with them again.
Here are 4 ways you can learn how to stop ghosting people.
1. Acknowledge you ghosted them.
You dropped the ball, so be sure to apologize without trying to justify your behavior. The key to a sufficient apology after ghosting is to take responsibility for your conduct and the negative impact you left the person you ghosted.
Being accountable for your behavior and giving some insight into why you vanished might break the ice. Typically, the person ghosted is left wondering if they did anything wrong that caused you to disappear.
So many people who've experienced ghosting would replay the relationship and ask if they did anything to cause the full stop on communication.
So often, they assume it was something they said or something they didn't do to motivate you to vanish into thin air.
Communication is a two-way street. Ghosting behavior is more about the ghoster's lack of empathy or ability to communicate a better way to distance themselves from a partner they're not feeling a mutual attraction.
By accepting blame for your actions, you can assure them your disappearing act was not their fault, rather your inability to follow through with staying in contact.
2. Share something positive about your experience with the person you ghosted.
To the person you ghosted, they often feel like an afterthought. So many end up feeling insignificant or that they wasted their time as things come to screeching halt without reason.
When you share positive feelings and recount specific fun memories of the person you spent time with, this assures someone that they weren't a plaything.
It's worse when the person ghosted developed deep feelings for you and was taken by surprise when their texts and voicemails were left unanswered.
The last thing they expected was silence from you when everything up until the final communication seemed OK.
Taking the time to express your appreciation and concern towards your dating partner helps to reestablish trust, gain confidence, and hopefully repair feelings of hopelessness.
3. Commit to a new way of being and what this person can expect from you.
Once you've acknowledged your wrongdoing, accepted fault, and expressed how the time you spent with your partner was full of unforgettable memories, you need to set new expectations of what they can expect from you moving forward.
First of all, they had not expected you to disappear in the first place. The rose-colored glasses they once wore are a little foggy in light of your vanishing act.
You need to commit to a new way of being, which includes being honest about how you feel, even if the news isn't positive or welcome. Dating is challenging enough without adding to the unpredictability of getting to know someone.
Do your part to ensure you'll remain in contact with the person you're dating. If things start to get busy on your end, or you can foresee a long time in-between conversations, make sure you let them know that you'll be in touch as soon as you can.
Dating during a pandemic is bound to create periods where things can get hectic. Your partner wants to know you care enough about your relationship and their feelings to keep them in the loop as life happens.
4. Allow them to express how being ghosted felt.
Ghosting can leave an awful taste in your mouth on both sides.
The "ghoster" struggles with how to back away without being grilled by their partner. The "ghosted" is left confused, rejected, and upset with being left in the dark.
There's an element of distrust and disgust associated with ghosting behavior that feels far too familiar with online dating. Ghosting happens in real life, and not just on dating platforms.
When you've ghosted someone you want to stay in connection with, you have to allow them to express how they feel without making them wrong.
It's expected you'll receive an ear full of grievances, and that's par for the course of bad dating behavior.
Carmelia Ray is a dating, matchmaking, and attraction expert with 20+ years of experience. She has worked with North America’s largest and leading professional matchmaking companies, helping thousands of singles achieve their relationship goals.