The Question Behind the Question, when it comes to finding love. These 4 great tips will help you!
Personal accountability? What is that and how do you find love using it? It's easy. First, you must pick up your copy of the book QBQ! "The Question Behind The Question" written by John G.Miller to help you understand what personal accountability is. Then apply the tips, as it relates to relationships. Dating and trying to find your love can be a challenging process for many but it doesn't have to be a miserable one. You can eliminate blame, complaining and procrastination by understanding how you can take control of your thoughts and ask yourself better questions when it comes to this part of your life. You may think that important coffee date tips will get you the love you want, but before you get there; you should understand how personal accountability will get you there faster.
O.K, so now that I've read this book I'll give you the "Carmelia's notes" version of what I'm talking about and how you can find love using personal accountability tips and questions. There are a couple of extremely important terms that we need to understand, as there are actually "rules" or applicable "Tips" to this whole QBQ process.
Tip #1 Make better choices.
Duh, seems simple right? The point of this rule is to always remember that regardless of your circumstances the choice is ALWAYS yours when it comes to your reaction and response to things that may or may not be happening for you. The truth is that when things happen to us that are unpleasant or unexpected the typical reaction is to be instantly NEGATIVE about it. We can choose the wrong thoughts and they end up manifesting themselves. The first concept is to know that "we are accountable for our own choices and free to make better ones". Taking responsibility for our choices is a very big step to making positive things happen for us. So when it comes to failures in our love life, or not getting what we want, a great question to ask ourselves is "What can I do about it?" or "What attitude can I have to make things better?" "How can I improve my behaviour or thoughts so that I can start seeing different results?". It's far too easy to blame the online dating site, the person who stood you up, the restaurant for serving lousy food or for your car not starting which caused you to be late.
Tip #2 Understanding IQ, which translates to "Incorrect Questions".
You need some valuable tools to apply the QBQ principles to finding the love you want. I mentioned earlier that most people's' first and instant reaction is to be negative right? The belief is that "The answers are in the questions". Therefore if you ask a better question, you'll get a better answer.
Here are the 3 simple guidelines for creating a good QBQ:
1. Question begins with "What" or "How" (NOT "Why, When and Who")
2. Contain an "I" (NOT "We, Them, They or You")
3. Focus on action
So let's apply this to our search for finding the love we want. "What are the traits women find attractive in men?" "How do I get better at 1st date conversation?" "How can I be more attractive to a person of the opposite sex?" Notice the difference in the answers and results we would get, if we asked IQ's that made us seem like the "victim". These are questions that typically begin with "WHY?" Like "Why is this happening to me?" "Why can't I meet anyone I like?" "When is Prince Charming going to knock on my door?" You don't get solutions blaming others and procrastinating!
Tip#3 Realize that I can only change me
The sooner and faster you realize the basic, fundamental & simple truth that only YOU can can change YOU; the happier, faster & closer you will be to finding the love you want. Many people in relationships waste a tonne of energy trying to "fix" someone or turn them into something that they want them to be like. You CAN'T change people. People have to want to change on their own. If I were to ask you what would you change about your dating situation? The last response most people would offer is "ME". Our thoughts typically focus on everything but us or what WE may be doing wrong, or could be doing better. Personal accountability is always about "I".
Tip#4 Take Action
Let's go back to Tip#1, make good choices. The choice to do nothing is a choice, but not a very good one. You don't get results "thinking" about things. You get results when you DO something about it. Even if you have to experience trial and error, practise makes perfect! When we make mistakes it's a blessing in disguise and our opportunity to learn from it and grown and develop into a better dater, person, lover, friend or whatever it is we are trying to become. Action leads us towards solutions while inaction leaves us in the past. "Action builds confidence; inaction, doubt". You would never discover the Top 5 challenges with online dating and how to overcome them without trying it out!
So now that you've got my take on how to ask yourself better questions; take personal accountability into your love life! Practise asking yourself these questions to get the results you're looking for. Eliminate blame, complaining and procrastination and "really" ask yourself the questions you should be. Let us know how it works for you!
This article was originally published at Dating Love and Sex Tips . Reprinted with permission from the author.