Here's what to do when your intense feelings cloud your ability to react SMART in your relationship.
Feelings, feelings, feelings…we have them every day, all the time, good and bad with our partner…right? RIGHT!
That said, read this OUT LOUD:
Just because you have a FEELING, doesn’t mean you have to ACT on it.
Read it again. I mean it…
(this is me waiting for you to read it…)
(still waiting…do it already)
EXACTLY what I wrote above, is what I mean: Just because you feel like screaming at the guy behind you in line at the movie theater (yes, he’s openly expressed how long it’s taking you to choose between the M&Ms vs. the Jr. Mints) doesn’t mean that you actually turn around and scream at him. That’s when you think to yourself: Okay, “Self”… he’s a total a****** and I’m going to just breathe and pretend that I don’t hear him saying, “It doesn’t matter, Lady - they’ll both end up sticking to you in the same place” and then I’m going to just walk far far farrrrr away…and I’m going to keep breathing until my dragon fire raging anger has subsided. Yes. I will do that, and then I will see how I feel.
And the same applies in your RELATIONSHIP…
When you come home to find your husband buried in his newspaper while he sits in the middle of a heaping pile/sea of toys, broken pieces of animal crackers, sand all over the couch from the kids’ shoes, and your 5 year old’s dirty underwear slapped in the middle of the house entry way, don’t tell me you’re not FEELING like you want to throw your hands up and howl at your husband:
O-KAYYY (mother #@?!&%) I AM D-O-N-E!!!
But you don’t.
No, my friend…you don’t. You’re experiencing a FEELING which does not mean that you must ACT on it right then and there.
Take a deep breath, put the groceries away, and let the feelings simmer down. Only THEN are you in a grounded place to figure out what you need to act on and how to appropriately communicate it.
So until my next post here on Your Tango, take a beat….and BE SMART.