Interpreting Your Ex's Signals & Mixed Messages

Love, Heartbreak

What 'hidden messages' are your ex sending? Here's how to interpret your ex's words and actions.

Getting over a romantic relationship can be gut-wrenching and heartbreaking for most people, particularly if your ex shows the so-called "mixed" signals after the breakup.

Is your ex trying to be "friends" with you? Is it a good sign or a bad sign? While I don't really recommend staying friends with your ex after a breakup, your ex's attempt to keep you in their life may be a good sign! 

There are plenty of other signals that you can use to gauge your ex's feelings too. So in this article, I’ll talk about the psychology behind why your ex is acting the way they are and what it means.

Sign #1: Asking to Stay Friends

If your ex verbally asks you to remain friends, this means that he/she is not ready to let go of you yet and may still be harboring feelings for you.

Tips: If you can help it, try to minimize, if not completely cut off contact for at least 30 days if the breakup is still fresh. Give your ex space and time to sort out his/her feelings and at the same time, using this time for yourself to recover from all the drama. If you're way past the 30-day period, then read on.

Sign #2: Frequency and Nature of Contact

Is your ex suddenly trying to contact you out of the blue for no reason at all? How often is he/she trying to contact you? This can be confusing, especially since it's been months or years after your ex rubbed it in your face that they want you out of their life, right? It's a completely different story though if they constantly contact you because you owe them something; hence, analyzing the nature of the conversation is just as important. If your ex brings up a private joke that you two share or if he/she reminisce about the good times, then take this as a very good sign.

Tips: Notice the frequency of their contact. How often your ex contacts you is a clear indication of how often you crossed your ex's mind. It's not rocket science, but the more they contact you, then the more interested they are in worming their way back into your life. Keep it cool and don't get over excited just yet. At this point, you'll want to keep the conversation light and friendly. If they particularly show an interest in your life again and are asking personal questions, then take it as a huge sign. If he/she flirts with you, then play along as this could lead them to asking you out on a date!

Sign #3: Showing You What You've Missed

If your ex tells you how much they've changed, the lessons they've learned, or anything that gives them a boost in your eyes, then take this as a clear indication that they're trying to show you an attractive quality and is subconsciously trying to sell themselves to you. This is particularly true if you broke up because of a certain habit that your ex had, but now he/she is working to change it. However, if your ex is already arrogant to begin with, then you may disregard this sign.

Tips: Congratulate your ex of any accomplishment that he/she has attained. Be careful not to feed on his/her ego too much and overpraise them. Most of all, don't act like you're putting them on a pedestal. Just let them know you're happy for him/her and that he's/she's done a great job.

Sign #4: The Devil is in the Details

If an ex girlfriend or boyfriend is interested, you'll notice them finding out more about your life than what you've already told them since the breakup. They may have learned the information from a friend or a friend of a friend or whomever, the bottom line is they've heard something about you and let you know that they know about it.

Sign #5: The Green-eyed Monster

If your ex is jealous or acts depressed or sad over you seeing another girl/guy, then take this a very huge sign that they do want you back for themselves instead. What happens next is completely up to you, but definitely keep in mind that jealousy is a key indication that your ex may be struggling with some regrets about the breakup and may be open to getting back together.

Tips:  If your ex is already showing jealousy, then subtly hinting that you've been seeing other people since the breakup and showing (with actions, not words) that you're thriving in life may help to accentuate these feelings, and could push them to give in and ask you to get back together. Just make sure that any attempts to use jealousy to win back your ex are done carefully and always remain "under the radar"

I'm guessing, at this point, that you've already seen your ex exhibit at least one or two of these "signs," but even if they haven't, that may not necessarily mean that all hope of winning them back is lost.  You can take this quiz to help determine whether or not there's still a shot at reconnecting with an ex.

And one final reminder: while your ex will almost certainly be sending out 'signals' (both consciously and unconsciously) that give you an idea of their thoughts and how likely they are to give your relationship a second chance, not everything your ex says or does carries a deeper meaning.  Avoid overanalyzing their behavior, as this can just add to the confusion and may potentially lead you to do something that's counterproductive to your efforts to win him or her back. 

Best of luck!


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