Is Fear Of Rejection Hurting Your Dating Opportunities?

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Is Fear Of Rejection Hurting Your Dating Opportunities? [EXPERT]
Are you sabotaging your dating experiences?

We all know that dating over 40 can be a bit of a jungle with challenges, surprises and pitfalls. I'm sure you've encountered your share of "pingers" — the disappearing men, needy men and players as you meet single men. I get it, and you belong to a large, loving sisterhood. But it's not only us gals who have dating disasters ... Men have their fair share of icky, confusing, ego-crushing experiences too.

In my ongoing effort to help you empathize with those nutty creatures with whom we're trying so hard to connect, I'm showing you my 6 "FemiTypes": the over-40 women men date who send them running for the hills. (By the way, I know that many of my readers are under 40. To you, this will either be super helpful or a stern warning as to what not to do as you "mature.") Divorced & Dating? Why You Haven't Met Mr. Right

Previously, I've introduced you to The Princess and The 18 Year Old but today, you'll learn about the Scaredy Cat. Deep down, the Scaredy Cat feels unworthy and afraid to receive love and attention, especially from potential romantic partners. She has been wounded by past relationships and hasn't been able to move on emotionally. While she carries these wounds below the surface and aren't there for all to see, given the proper trigger (like a man not calling exactly when he says he will), her fear can take center stage at a moment's notice.

She operates from contradictory perspectives: "I don't deserve a good guy" and/or, "There are no single good guys." Because she says she will never open up herself to be hurt again, she makes her guy jump through all kinds of hoops to prove he's a decent man and won't hurt her. She needs him to show interest first. But when he does show his feelings, she questions it and ups the ante or runs.

When the Scaredy Cat perceives that she's being let down, her walls go up and she overreacts. She projects her expectations into the future because this somehow helps her feel like she has some control. (She usually doesn't actually know this.) She sees problems that exist only in her mind.

She can't just relax and just get to know a man because she's too busy picking every moment apart and questioning everything. She picks the bad guys because she's familiar with them and (perhaps subconsciously) they prove her right.

More dating advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
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