Keep Whining: Why Men Love High-Maintenance Women

By

needy girl
Whoever thinks men love "low-maintenance" women should think again.

Needy women attract good men. "Low-Maintenance" women attract jerks … or no men at all.

Is this counter to what you've always thought was true? Did you think that the less you expected from a man, the more he'd like you? Well, consider this: a good man — one who is confident, mature and relationship-minded — wants to give to a woman and make her happy. He needs to know that you need him and that he's enhancing your already great life.

A good man also wants to know that you respect and love yourself. He does not want to be completely responsible for your happiness. (That's why I said he wants to "enhance" your life, not "be" your life). Now, say you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or at least doesn't act like you do). Mr. Good Man will not pick you as a partner. He may sleep with you, but he won't marry you. If you don't leave room for him to be your hero, and you don't show that you know you're worthy of him, he will leave before you can say "Why didn't he call?" 7 Ways To Tell If He Plans To Marry You

On the other hand, let's say that you graciously receive his compliments and show enthusiastic appreciation for the big and little things he does for you. Maybe you occasionally ask for his advice and let him open the pickle jar. You also make and keep boundaries, expect him to keep his word, and expect to be treated special. That, along with your kindness to him tells Mr. Good Man that you're relationship material. You're able to welcome him into your life, and you're confident in who you are, what you want, and how to get it.

Isn't it funny? All this time we thought being low maintenance was the key to getting the guy. Actually, that was in high school. Now, as a grown-up woman looking to share her life with a grown-up man, not expecting anything only gets the guy who doesn't want to give you anything.

So here's some homework to help you decide where you stand with this. Look back on previous relationships (short or long) and answer these questions:

  • Were there any good guys who might have gotten away because you acted like you didn't need him and/or didn't seem to have any expectations of him?
  • Are the men you're attracting the "good guys?" Are they givers or are they takers?
  • Do you know your boundaries, and do you stick to them?
  • How well do you show him that you respect yourself? If a cute guy asks you out for Friday night on Friday morning, do you accept? When he doesn't call or shows up late, do you tell him it's okay because you don't want to scare him away? (By the way, I think he gets one free pass on these.) When he's telling you he's too busy to see you week after week, are you still hanging on?
  • And ... how is this working for you?
This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Why Midlife Sex Is The Best Sex

By

Can I make a few assumptions? If you’re reading this you are most likely a woman over 40, single and looking. You are probably dating, or hoping to. You are either nearing menopause, in menopause or post-menopausal. Taken together, here’s what that tells me: You are facing the prospect of having new sexual partners. After all, you have hopes of ... Read more

Let's Get Physical, Or Should We? 5 Tips For Midlife Dating

By

Wanna hear your body talk? If the idea of having sex in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is intimidating, you are not alone. I get a lot of questions about the whats and hows of having sex “in this day and age” and at this stage of life. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with a guy and get hung up like an 18-year-old. ... Read more

3 “Ah-Ha!” Differences Between Dating Men And Boys

By

If you are a single woman in her 40s, 50s or beyond, I have a question for you: When you look at yourself today, are you the same person you were in your 20s or 30s? Have many of your priorities changed? Has experience taught you new life skills and shifted your perspective on things you previously held as absolute truth? And what about when it comes to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular