Keep Whining: Why Men Love High-Maintenance Women


needy girl
Whoever thinks men love "low-maintenance" women should think again.

Needy women attract good men. "Low-Maintenance" women attract jerks … or no men at all.

Is this counter to what you've always thought was true? Did you think that the less you expected from a man, the more he'd like you? Well, consider this: a good man — one who is confident, mature and relationship-minded — wants to give to a woman and make her happy. He needs to know that you need him and that he's enhancing your already great life.


A good man also wants to know that you respect and love yourself. He does not want to be completely responsible for your happiness. (That's why I said he wants to "enhance" your life, not "be" your life). Now, say you're the gal who doesn't need anything (or at least doesn't act like you do). Mr. Good Man will not pick you as a partner. He may sleep with you, but he won't marry you. If you don't leave room for him to be your hero, and you don't show that you know you're worthy of him, he will leave before you can say "Why didn't he call?" 7 Ways To Tell If He Plans To Marry You

On the other hand, let's say that you graciously receive his compliments and show enthusiastic appreciation for the big and little things he does for you. Maybe you occasionally ask for his advice and let him open the pickle jar. You also make and keep boundaries, expect him to keep his word, and expect to be treated special. That, along with your kindness to him tells Mr. Good Man that you're relationship material. You're able to welcome him into your life, and you're confident in who you are, what you want, and how to get it.

Isn't it funny? All this time we thought being low maintenance was the key to getting the guy. Actually, that was in high school. Now, as a grown-up woman looking to share her life with a grown-up man, not expecting anything only gets the guy who doesn't want to give you anything.

So here's some homework to help you decide where you stand with this. Look back on previous relationships (short or long) and answer these questions:

  • Were there any good guys who might have gotten away because you acted like you didn't need him and/or didn't seem to have any expectations of him?
  • Are the men you're attracting the "good guys?" Are they givers or are they takers?
  • Do you know your boundaries, and do you stick to them?
  • How well do you show him that you respect yourself? If a cute guy asks you out for Friday night on Friday morning, do you accept? When he doesn't call or shows up late, do you tell him it's okay because you don't want to scare him away? (By the way, I think he gets one free pass on these.) When he's telling you he's too busy to see you week after week, are you still hanging on?
  • And ... how is this working for you?
This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!


Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Holiday Gift Giving Tips For The Mature, Single And Dating


It’s The Holidays. That oh so awkward time for those who are single, dating or in a new relationship. Yah, you’re dating after 40, but you may still have the same questions about gift giving that you had when you were 20: Do I give him a gift? If so, what? What if I get him something and he doesn’t get me anything? Or vice versa? If ... Read more

What 100+ Single Men Think About Cheating, Love And YOU


The last few months I've been focused on men—who they are, what dating is like for them, what they want, what they mean when they say or do certain things, what they think about your body, and why they disappear. As a matter of fact, last week we recorded a brand new panel of men with three totally mature, marriage minded, good looking guys. I ... Read more

Think Like A Man? No, But You'll Be Happier If You Date Like One!


Emotional exhaustion. Hopelessness. Hating men and/or yourself. That is what you experience when women are dating the wrong way. You start to feel like it’s just not worth all the nonsense, hurt and disappointment. Why bother? You have a pretty good life, so why are you bothering? I’ll tell you why: Because you have to date if you want love ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular