When You Should Treat a Man Like a Woman

By

When You Should Treat a Man Like a Woman
Challenged with how to respond when a man does something that ticks you off?

Are you an independent, smart single woman who is dating and looking for love? If so, you've likely been challenged with how to respond when a man does something that ticks you off. What are realistic expectations? What should you tolerate? I get asked this question in many forms.

It can be confusing. On the one hand, you have a strong desire to be liked and finally find The One. On the other hand, you are a confident woman who doesn't want to put up with nonsense or be a pushover.

Here is how that conflict can look in real life: The part of you that wants to be liked accepts all sorts of silliness and disrespect, while the other part of you judges quickly and bails out at the first sign of trouble.

Consider the situation of my client, Christine. During her coaching session she complained that a man she connected with online has been calling her after 10 p.m. She thought that was rude. (So do I.) She wakes up at 5 a.m., and it was affecting her sleep. She asked me if I thought she should say something to him. She was hesitant because she didn't want to scare him away.

So I asked her: How would you deal with a girlfriend who kept calling at that hour? Her instant response was, "I'd talk to her and let her know that it wasn't okay!"

There you go. It seems so clear if it's a girlfriend, right? So why wouldn't you respond the same way with a man you're dating? This is a reasonable boundary. It's intrusive behavior that affects your quality of life--not to mention it screams booty call.

When we date we tend to make our experiences all about him instead of ourselves. Does he like me? Did I say the right thing to him? What will he do next? Christine's dilemma had very little to do with him; he was going to do what he was going to do. Rather, it was about her personal needs and whether she was going to take care of herself; even if it meant he left.

Setting personal boundaries is a constant. Having your "must-haves" honored should be expected of any relationship. There is no reason to make exceptions because he's a guy and you're afraid you'll scare him off. If it's something important enough to ask a girlfriend to do differently, then you probably want to address it with him.

So…what can she do? If she goes with the side of her that wants to find a partner, she can simply accept his behavior. If she chooses the side that never wants to act like a desperate dater, she can dump him.

Or…she can realize there is another choice. Do what you would do with your girlfriend: tell him it's not okay.

Here is the simple phrase I suggested Christine use to tell him what she would like: "Joe, I like you and I'm interested in getting to know you…but I work early so I don't take calls after 9 p.m. If you want to get in touch, please call before that. I hope that works for you." Direct, yet kind and non-demanding, right?

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Palmer

Dating Coach

The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 and founder of Date LIke a Grownup.
Register for Bobbi's free monthly webcasts Grownup Girls' Night Out: Let's Talk About Men! where she gives you tips and tools about dating, sex, relationships and more!
 


 

Location: Long Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Wellness
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Palmer:

Why Midlife Sex Is The Best Sex

By

Can I make a few assumptions? If you’re reading this you are most likely a woman over 40, single and looking. You are probably dating, or hoping to. You are either nearing menopause, in menopause or post-menopausal. Taken together, here’s what that tells me: You are facing the prospect of having new sexual partners. After all, you have hopes of ... Read more

Let's Get Physical, Or Should We? 5 Tips For Midlife Dating

By

Wanna hear your body talk? If the idea of having sex in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond is intimidating, you are not alone. I get a lot of questions about the whats and hows of having sex “in this day and age” and at this stage of life. You crave intimacy, but the last thing you want is to sleep with a guy and get hung up like an 18-year-old. ... Read more

3 “Ah-Ha!” Differences Between Dating Men And Boys

By

If you are a single woman in her 40s, 50s or beyond, I have a question for you: When you look at yourself today, are you the same person you were in your 20s or 30s? Have many of your priorities changed? Has experience taught you new life skills and shifted your perspective on things you previously held as absolute truth? And what about when it comes to ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB