Following our GGNO Club’s Virtual Man Panel last week I decided to keep sharing “from the horses mouth.” Here is a response from “Drew” to an article I posted the other day. Drew seems very thoughtful, yet seemingly frustrated by his online dating experiences. (Sound familiar ladies?) Thanks to Drew for taking the time to help us out here.
Warning: read the entire stream before you get all in a tizzy about what he’s saying. He makes some excellent points that will help you find a man.
Drew: “You’re the star in your story.” While this is a nice thought for women as an esteem-boosting affirmation, it could be taken way too far.
As a man who reads so many female profiles online, I already see plenty of the “You’re the star in your story” point of view from women.
In the literally thousands of online profiles I have read, I have only read two where the woman actually listed why she would make a good girlfriend or committed partner gave those reasons from a man’s point of view. Just two profiles actually addressed what a man wants in a committed relationship and these two women gave her reasons in a funny, thoughtful manner.
Please communicate to your female audience that men need to know directly and unambiguously what they offer to a man. We’re rational and logical critters in the dating game.
Bp: Ladies: he’s giving you great advice. And it’s direct from the dude! Here’s the thing: you are the star of your story, and you are fabulous. Now…you have to learn how to put your fabulous self out there to the guys in the right way.
It’s not about appearing entitled and giving them your list. Rather, show them what you have to offer, and do it in a way that they connect with.
Here’s what I always tell my clients when we’re working on their online profiles: If your girlfriend reads your profile and loves it, it probably sucks! Make sure you “speak man.” If you don’t know how, or need some help, check out my new telecourse Mastering the Mystery of Meeting Men After 40. This is exactly the kind of thing we’re going to be doing in Session 4: Casting the Net: Where is He and How Do I Find Him? Drew: Thanks so much for stopping by and helping us with your honest advice.
Drew: I’ll make it easy with a pre-written format and examples!
Top 10 Reasons Why I Would Be Your Best Girlfriend Ever:
10. You will see me wearing sexy lingerie more than “comfortable” undies.
9. You won’t hear me nag and complain because I don’t sweat the small stuff.
8. You will be proud to have me on your arm when we go out in public and your friends will probably be envious.
7. You will never, ever compete with me.
6. You will be nicely surprised when I kiss you passionately at unexpected times and in unexpected places.
5. You will never see me roll my eyes at you when you say something because I will respect you.
4. You see my smile far more often than my frown.
3. You will find yourself thinking seriously about my observations on life and current events.
2. You won’t be holding my purse at the shoe store. You won’t even BE at the shoe store with me.
1. You won’t hear these awful words: “I’m not in the mood”.
Note how those sentences are structured. The emphasis is on the guy, not the gal. This kind of list should lead the profile to show what the woman offers in the context of dating and relationships. The rest of the profile can present the “would likes” (not “must haves”) in a man.
While a list might not seem the stuff of glorious romance, it directly connects to how a man thinks. We’re certainly prepared to sweep a fair damsel off her feet, we just need to know if she’s worth it. And again, men are logical and rational, especially after a few decades on this planet dealing with so many fair damsels.
Here’s a follow up example once the list is out of the way:
“Now you know what I offer, here’s what I would like in the man of my dreams and hopefully the rest of my life.”
Bp: Wow Drew! You rock! These are definitely male oriented, and I have to say that a few make me bristle. But overall, it’s a great point.
After you get over feeling like this list makes men look like jerks, it makes sense. You can easily translate to things that are on most ladies’ profiles: I’m affectionate, easy going, attractive, confident (hence the competition crap), will respect you and I’m smart and have good ideas so I know you’ll respect me.
I’ve worked with 2 clients this week on how to communicate and present their great qualities to men in “man-speak.” So thanks for the examples. One thing: Women generally won’t and shouldn’t put sexual related comments out there. I strongly advise against it. “Affectionate” is more appropriate. There are a lot of men out there just looking to have sex and we don’t want them to beeline to us.
I know it’s important to men to know this, but it’s not really your business until you earn the right. Sorry, you’re just going to have to find out about her sexuality after you take my girls’ out on a some dates and earn her trust. Besides, if you’re really hot – she may turn into a sex goddess for you. Great!
What do you think? Are you going to take his advice? I recommend it. This man knows what he’s talking about. (Ummmm, yah. Trust him. He’s your audience.)