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Are You In Love with a Criminal?

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Are You In Love with a Criminal?
Mr. Wonderful may not be so wonderful after all.

“The greatest crimes do not arise from a want of feeling for others, but from an over-sensibility for ourselves and an over-indulgence to our own desires.” —Edmund Burke

 

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Beware of Mr. Wonderful. Really? But isn’t that the very thing that all women are looking for? A man who moves us, charms us, connects with us. Someone who is perfectly romantic, funny, rich, charming, friendly, outgoing, ambitious, says all the right things. Someone who loves kids and animals, pays attention to us, doesn’t take us for granted. It's what all girls want.

Remember the saying, “if something seems too good to be true, it probably is?” Not that there aren’t Mr. Wonderfuls out there in the world. I think there are. But they are categorically not perfect. Perfect isn’t a particularly realistic expectation. So when you find yourself with a “perfect” man, raise a mental Red Flag and make sure your eyes are wide open. Consider that you need to learn more about him. Maybe there is a side to him that you haven’t seen yet. Or maybe you haven’t been willing to see it.

Too often, the very qualities that we look for in a man are especially true of a man who may be at best, dishonest, at worst, breaking the law. And by the time the truth about his character begins to unfold, we are already so deeply hooked and committed that even an otherwise educated, smart and savvy woman would turn a blind eye.

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Most women don’t set out looking to fall in love with someone who breaks the law. But we are susceptible because we yearn for that perfect relationship on some level. So we find ways to rationalize behavior in a man that might otherwise have raised an eyebrow. Because if we really look at the Red Flags for what they are, we lose the hope we had for building the perfect life with the perfect person.

What is a criminal?

For most of us, “criminal” conjures up images of violence and drugs. Gang bangers and drug dealers. Street crimes. Bank robberies. Murders. The stuff you see on TV. But there are other, less violent crimes that are just as devastating. These are often referred to as white-collar crimes. Think Bernie Madoff. Ken Lay, of Enron. These guys represent the very top of the white-collar food chain, but there are plenty just like them walking among us, creating havoc in less public ways. People like this get away with what they do for so long because they have some very compelling qualities. And the lesser-known guys are likely just as convincing and charismatic as the big boys.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Bobbi Jankovich

Marriage and Family Therapist

Therapy is a journey that can help to chart the way through and forward by honoring the process and supporting movement forward toward healing and balance. Therapy seeks to help you move beyond the stuckness, beyond the pain, beyond the struggle. Even beyond the resistance. It is a unique opportunity to discover and explore old life narratives that once served a purpose and begin to consciously reauthor and embrace a new path that leads to living a whole life.

The work can be transformative, allowing inevitable change to transform what is into what could be.

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: LMFT
Other Articles/News by Bobbi Jankovich:

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"We are never so vulnerable as when we trust someone. But paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."  — Walter Anderson One of the fundamental problems with falling in love is that, by nature, we are so infatuated we have a difficult time tapping into our higher sensibilities — our reasonable self. ... Read more

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“Physical infidelity is the signal, the notice given, that all fidelities are undermined.” —Katherine Anne Porter What would you do if your partner had an affair? In a new relationship, everything is perfect and exciting and smells good. You are full of passion and hope. You just can’t get enough of each other. You hang on ... Read more

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