What started out as a whirlwind romance has turned into a destructive twister. The intensity of the attention, affection and time spent with an obsessor, a romantic partner who believes they can't live with you, is draining. It seems like everywhere you turn the obsessor is watching you. Your requests for space are met with accusations of not understanding or appreciating your partner. You're at your wit's end. How do you escape unscathed?
Obsessive loves are based on illusions of real love. Talk through your concerns and see if your partner will change their obsessive tendencies. In most cases, obsessive relationships aren't salvageable. The best you can do is free yourself from the obsessiveness. Breaking up with someone who has emotional insecurities requires a delicate exit strategy. Remember that your obsessor is acting obsessive because they're scared to lose you so they hold on tighter. They think that if they are more attentive and spend more time with you then you'll change your mind.
The best strategy is to make a clean break. After you've told them you want to break up, don't answer any phone calls, or respond to text messages, emails and voicemails. Delete them from your social media. For a few months, avoid restaurants, shopping areas, and places where you two normally hung out. The point is to cut off any and all communication.
The obsessive behavior isn't going to change. You have to make peace with your decision to end your relationship and move on. You can find yourself in trouble with the yo-yo of starting and stopping your relationship. This back and forth to your obsessive partner sends mix messages. Your partner may misinterpret your intentions and think that you're playing with their emotions. Their hurt can turn to anger, which can turn to revenge (e.g., vandalizing your car, stalking you, harassing you on social media, harassing any new dates, embarrassing you at work), which can turn to suicide and/or murder in extreme cases.
A powerful way to heal is to reconnect with family and friends for support. Open a new chapter in your life. Start having fun again. Enjoy activities that you stopped. Go exercise, skeet shoot, play basketball, and read books. Try new and challenging activities like swimming with sharks or skydiving. The point is to reconnect with yourself in ways that you didn't or couldn't when you were in the obsessive relationship.
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