Meet you? Meet you where? I thought it was a date!!
PICK ME UP FOR A DATE
Some of my clients ask me, "Some of the guys who ask me out want me to meet them half-way for Date 1. Should I do that?"
I say, “Yes.”
"What about Date 2, 3, 4…?"
I SAY, "PIZZA IS DELIVERED TO YOU. I’M NOT.”
Only on Date 1 do I meet my date out in public, and in a location that is mutually convenient. If I have to valet my car, I expect him—no matter how the date went—to offer to pay for my parking. Most men do this without thinking about it because it is a date after all, and they know it is a generous and positive gesture.
Now, every once in awhile there'll be a guy who tries to change this last minute and wants me to meet him over near where he lives or works, even for Date 0. I just don't do it. I pause, to give him a moment to regroup, and if he gets it, great, if not, I will pass on the date, event, or the opportunity to see him again—even if I really want to.
I DRIVE TO THEM FOR BUSINESS. BUT THIS IS ROMANCE.
They come to us. We attract them. And if not, then not. Not a problem. He's obviously just not that into me. Trust me, your privileged access to me, that precious spot in my dayplanner, you've lost it. I'll give them one or two more chances, but then I delete them and move the next man who is asking me out into my dayplanner. And because I am an attractive woman and I market myself, I do get asked out all the time.
After date 0, the man always picks me up. That's dating. We’re not PALS.
"WHAT TIME WILL YOU BE PICKING ME UP?"
Say it in a sweet voice, They're MEN. They understand and get it. We're the ones who can sometimes be obtuse about this. Sometimes? Yes, sometimes. What about men who insist on picking you up for date 2 and date 3 and then…yup, ask you to meet them where it’s convenient for them. Whose being obtuse now? Are they saying they just want to be pals? Hey, we’re WOMEN. We understand and get it.
The bottom line: If they want to meet you half-way or someplace else, well, then they're still little boys, and there are women who are treating them like little boys, coddling them and making things easy for them. But I just can't be bothered. Masculine men pursue ladies and come pick us up. It's part of the effort they make as men with all of that aggressive testosterone.
For men to strive and make an effort in life is a good thing for their masculinity, self-esteem and image. Refrain from coddling them like their spoiling mothers and you will be doing a service for all women to encourage men to be their best, elegant and masculine.
When he picks me up, well, naturally he comes to MY door, and then he opens the door for me to HIS car. He might even lean in and fasten my sealbelt, at which time, face-to-face, I may show him how appreciative I am that he made the effort to make me feel special, safe and the lady in the relationship, n’est pas?
Barbara Kennedy, MPH, MSW, is a well-known relationship coach, prominent speaker, and public health educator with a private practice in Scottsdale, Arizona. Author of “BABY BOOMER MEN LOOKING FOR LOVE – The Last Dance” and soon to be released “BABY BOOMER WOMEN 1,001 FIRST DATES – Love-On-Line (L-O-L)” www.BabyBoomerMenLookingForLove.com