Beauty: A Blessing And A Curse

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The Curse Of Beauty: Personal Development Coach Advice
Do you place too much value on physical appearances?

You may have looked at the title of this article and gotten a bit confused. Beauty as a curse? It seems impossible!

For goodness' sake, is there a woman in the world who would not give her right arm to consider herself beautiful? Don't we all want to get that extra bit of attention those effortlessly radiant women seem to receive so easily? Don't we crave the stares women who seem to "glitter" elicit as they walk by? Wouldn't it be nice to have that extra bit of attention at stores and while running errands? Certainly, we'd love more attention from the opposite sex... right?

Well, sisters, let me tell you: beauty is every bit as much a curse as it is a blessing. Yes, beautiful women get a lot of attention from all sorts of people, but it's not always easy to decipher if it's attention that you want or don't want. Yes, your car may get extra love at the mechanic, but maybe you are in a rush and really don't have that extra time. Yep, the guy at the dry cleaners may place priority on your blouses, but at a price: he constantly engages you in flirtatious conversation that you're just not in the mood for. 

Our society places a high value on physical appearance, and for some women who meet that vague standard, it can feel to them that they are constantly on show. They can feel an enormous amount of pressure to maintain their looks, be charming and engaging, and succeed at all they do. Just as we judge and critique ourselves, so do they.

We can all relate to this: sometimes you just have things other than beauty and attraction on your mind. You just might not be in the mood to receive and process male attention. And indeed, beautiful women sometimes make poor choices when picking partners, just like the rest of us. Men don't come with signs indicating the quality of their character, and women of all types have fallen under the spell of a man with false advertising. Besides, men who only date women with knockout looks are setting a double standard and showing their true colors as unfit for long term commitment.

Next time you find yourself in the cubicle at work, at a party or event standing next to a gorgeous woman, take note of what you feel. Are you self-conscious or insecure? Is jealousy on your radar? As women, we tend to judge others based on our own personal insecurities. And this potential new friend's visual charm does not mean that she is immune from the same issues and worries. Maybe she is even looking at you with a sidelong glance, wishing for your hair, your shoes or your great smile. 

Try reaching out to her. Ask how she is doing, how her day was, and whether she might like to share a cup of coffee. Going out on a limb with new people is a wonderful way to make friends. You might find you have a great personal connection, regardless of either of your appearances. Maybe she's feeling less-than-confident about her looks, too, and maybe your simple bit of attention will boost her self-esteem and make her day. 

While some women tend to have that "glow" naturally, most devote time and care into cultivating their appearances; they take pride in how they look! That woman who made you feel a flash of insecurity on the street does not roll out of bed with glitter on her eyelids or in that totally hip outfit. She is likely more conscious about her appearance than she was at age 15, when all she needed was a bar of soap, jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. Now, like the rest of us, she is exercising, eating well, fighting wrinkles and praying for a good set of genes that will serve her well as she ages!

It's so easy to judge other women for a variety of reasons, and physical appearance is just one more. Next time you notice yourself thinking unkind thoughts about an attractive woman, take time to reflect on your own intentions and insecurities as well as your strengths and good qualities. Then, reach out and introduce yourself. You may just make a great new friend.

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Barbara Greenberg

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E-mail: bgreenbergphd@hotmail.com

Telephone: 203.246.6741

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Dr. Barbara Greenberg makes regular appearances on talk and advice shows as an expert contributor to discuss critical topics affecting adults, teens and children. (Click here for full listing of notable topics.) Click here for a video sample of her recent appearances.

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Dr. Barbara Greenberg provides expert speeches and presentations to large and small audiences from organizations, businesses, and all school levels, including college and above.

Location: Weston, CT
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