Natalie was bored in her marriage. At first she could hardly admit it to herself. After all, they were a perfect match: similar backgrounds, same religion, similar professions (she was a school psychologist, he was a psychology professor). Didn't all the research suggest that the more you have in common, the more likely you are to succeed as a couple? Yet, those feelings of boredom were definitely surfacing. David wasn't as exciting as he used to be. He was so busy with all of his professorial assignments. Plus, he's head of the department. Where were all those easy fun days they used to have?
But on the other hand, Jack seemed so alluring in her mind. Jack whom she had not actually seen face to face in over 15 years. But the memories ... oh, those memories. They were so arousing and made her feel so wanted. And his interest in her on Facebook was very appealing. So sincere and respectful of her marriage. But behind his interest she sensed that his marriage might not be the rock of Gibraltar. Maybe he was bored also! Mmmmm ... something else for Natalie to fantasize about. Why Can't I Find A Relationship?
Natalie, one of my characters in my new book, Next Year in Jerusalem! Romance, Mystery & Spiritual Awakenings, is trying to handle a very common issue that women face in marriage. She has become bored, but knows she is married to a great guy. Her mind is wandering and she is at risk!
What is this boredom all about? I've heard hundreds of tales of woe around boredom in my practice as a psychologist. I can sum it up by saying that most of the time the boredom stems from a core problem. That problem is disappointment that the spouse doesn't understand his wife better. Or more simply, that it has turned out that he is not very good at mind reading! 5 Ways To STOP Complaining And Appreciate The Life You Have
For example, I discovered that my client was disappointed because her husband wasn't sensitive to her feelings. However, upon further questioning, my client admitted that she didn't make clear to her husband that her feelings were hurt or that she needed extra hugs and attention. She assumed he would just pick up on it. After all, he had said how much he loved her!
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, internationally known Positive Psychologist is the creator of The Enchanted Self®, a positive psychology method for happiness. She is in private practice in Long Branch, New Jersey with her husband, Dr. Russell M. Holstein.
Dr. Barbara can be found on the web, interviewed, writing articles and posting video 'TED' style talks on Happiness, Positive Psychology, Relationships and Parenting.
She has been a contributor to Heart and Soul, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Redbook, Real Simple, The Wall Street Journal, Time on line, the Today Show and Family Circle Magazine.
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