What are you worried about?
Are you feeling anxious about your upcoming wedding? Sick to your stomach? Having bad dreams? Does the sight of the dress fill you with dread? Feeling like you may have made a mistake saying "yes" or proposing?
If you answered yes, you are experiencing pre-wedding jitters. This is your subconscious telling you that something is not right and you need to listen to it. It may be that you are nervous about your own ability to be a husband or wife, anxious that your fiancé can't be the spouse you need or both.
Having wedding jitters does not mean that the marriage is doomed or that it is time to call off the wedding. But all jitters mean that an intervention is needed. Something is making you anxious and you need to understand what it is.
We all have an internal compass that guides us in our life and when we go against it, there is a reaction. At first, you feel a gentle tugging at the back of your brain; something does not feel right. You feel "off." If you pay attention to this feeling, the cause or causes will slowly become clear. But if you don't pay attention, your subconscious will get louder and louder and the bad feelings begin to turn to physical symptoms — you may have bad dreams, difficulty sleeping, stomach issues, illness or even injuries.
I have worked with many brides and grooms who have had jitters and some that have had physical symptoms of anxiety and stress about their upcoming nuptials. The work is focused on finding the cause of their "jitters" so they can clearly see what action is needed.
I have outlined my own list of the main causes for wedding jitters. I hope it will help you to begin to understand where your anxiety comes from so that you can begin to take action and have the wedding and marriage you want.
1. The wedding day. Sometimes it is the wedding day itself that is the cause of anxiety. Having one's entire family together for a day or weekend can cause a great deal of anxiety especially when there are divorces, step-parents, estranged family members or just one particularly difficult family member. For other brides or grooms, wedding-day stress is about being in the spotlight.
One bride I know, who was anxious about being at the center of attention, decided to get rid of the aisle at her wedding. She and her fiancé walked together into the middle of the cocktail reception and said their vows surrounded by friends and family. Your wedding does not have to be conventional —you can set it up so that it works for you.
In all instances, I believe that getting support for your wedding day is essential. A counselor or wedding planner can help you create a plan for dealing with difficult family members and organize your day so that you feel safe and connected with your spouse. Continue reading ...
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This article was originally published at Ashley Seeger DC Couples Counseling . Reprinted with permission from the author.