Season 11 was FULL of dating dealbreakers.
In an effort to get to the heart of the do's and don’ts of dating, the dating experts here at Cupid's Cronies took a look at Season 11 of The Bachelorette and analyze some of the factors that made Kaitlyn choose the way she did.
Kaitlyn Bristowe, the Bachelorette, weeded out 24 of the 25 men who she mass dated over the last month or so and chose to pursue a relationship with Shawn B. (Let me get side-tracked by saying, this isn’t reality … it’s scripted reality TV.) Love, and especially marriage, are two-way streets that require honesty and partnership. Kaitlyn (or any other “Bachelorette” for that matter) had matriarch-like power, but without any of the social and religious limitations that an actual Queen has. The star was in a very self-serving position, full of power-plays and jockeying.
This whole scenario seems like an extremely unhealthy dating situation — which is probably why only 4 or 5 couples have stayed together in this entire franchise's history: Bachelor, Bachelorette, and spin-offs. But we're not here to argue the show’s merits. We're here to identify behavioral patterns that ladies might think are deal-breakers and that guys should avoid.
1. Acting Like A Jerk
We saw quite a bit of jerk-like behavior from this particular group of guys. McDill was actually booted off the show. But, there was a sense of entitlement coming from quite a few of the guys. Almost like if Kaitlyn showed any waning interest, it was her fault. How dare she not connect physically and emotionally with you? (Sarcasm.)
So ladies, if you're on a date and a guy's a jerk right off the bat, this is a deal-breaker for you as well. And guys, remember, be courteous and treat a lady like a lady … but not too much!
2. Being A Pushover
Jared was super gentlemanly throughout, so what went wrong? Was he too nice? Sometimes women (just people in general) get turned off by such chivalry. It seems like it's in our nature to want someone to challenge us … even to struggle a little bit. A person who's willing to do absolutely anything and everything for you just isn’t a challenge. Even though this is what many women would talk about as being the "fairy tale," they still reject it in reality because it’s too easy. And so it remains as such — a fairy tale. Then again, maybe it was just his spotty beard. Note to guys: Be nice, but not too nice … and absolutely, positively no spotty beards.
3. Holding Back And Closing Off
This seemed like a reoccurring theme with several of the male hopefuls and with Kaitlyn, herself. Many of us thought that Ben H. was probably the man who the Bachelorette would pick. But, to the shock of many, she stuck with Nick Viall and Shawn B. as her final two suitors before getting engaged to Shawn B. Ben admitted to closing off after feeling like the outsider due to Kaitlyn, admittedly, shutting down with him and opening up to another briefly. We also saw this with Ben Z., who had a hard time expressing his emotions.
This is one of those things that is definitely a deal-breaker. Not because a woman doesn’t want a man who doesn’t outwardly project his thoughts and emotions (or vice versa), but because it causes miscues, misunderstandings, and insecurities from not knowing and understanding where the other person is emotionally. This is why it's important to open up in a relationship, no matter what you're feeling.
4. Lacking Focus
JJ was a prime example of this. Even the viewing public concentrated more on his bromance with Clint than they did on the relationship between JJ and Kaitlyn. This is a trap that a man can fall into while dating someone new on double dates or in group outings. He might feel a little more comfortable chatting up his new buddy, and it's taken as a lack of interest on his part or plain rudeness through the eyes of the woman.
It's definitely a deal-breaker for many ladies. So guys, focus on your date, even if you're a little nervous and have a bro-shield that's tempting to hide behind. And ladies, try to keep in mind that he's probably just intimidated. Before deciding that he's either a jerk or not interested in you, try to evaluate the situation and his behavior more deeply.
Do you have any input about this season's Bachelorette? Tell us in the comment area below! Have any questions for our experts about dating? Email us today!