Do you see what's real or just what you want to believe?
When you find someone with whom you share a strong sense of attraction and connection, you're apt to feel compelled to dive into a relationship. Tessa, a stunning 48-year-old client, was reeling with disappointment over her last break-up. She told me that she knew he was the one after their first date. I soon discovered that he wasn't the only Mr. Right who had loved and left her. A strong feeling of attraction often propelled her into premature relationships with men who she hadn't known for long.
If you're like Tessa, your fantasies can paint an amazing picture of your new beau. But, you're probably conjuring an image based on what you want, not on who he actually is. It's possible that the excitement that you're feeling is blinding you to red flags. And, once the dust settles and you get to know him, it's likely that fantasy and reality won't match up. The Monogamy Myth: Nothing Lasts Forever
Rather than daydream, use the excitement that you're feeling as an opportunity to explore. Before you commit, ask yourself the following questions:
- How is he treating me?
- Does he call when he says he will?
- If I tell him I'm busy, does he respect my time and reschedule?
- Or, does he forget calls or dates, then speak of love and ask for forgiveness?
If he's not following through, he's not that interested. 5 Warning Signs That Mr. 'Nice Guy' Will Break Your Heart
Is he gradually escalating your relationship? Does he make firm plans? If he's talking about doing something together, but doesn't schedule a time, he's only painting a romantic picture. It's not real until he's committed to a firm action.
- Can you be yourself around him?
- Is it easy to be with each other because you're naturally in sync?
- Is it easy for each of you to compromise?
- Or, are you biting your tongue in order to get along — or are youbickering?
No couple is a perfect fit, but it's easier if you're on the same wavelength. However, if you're an early morning person who likes to walk everywhere, and he can't stand noise before 10 a.m. and wants to drive anywhere further than half a block away, your differences are liable to erode your affection for each other over time. How Control Cuts Off Communication
Tessa made a commitment to take it slow and divert her romantic fantasies. She moved in with John a couple of years ago, and couldn't be happier.
Attraction and connection are a fantastic beginning. But, if you don't discover whether you are compatible before you commit, you could be in for a bumpy ride.
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Read more of Annie's dating advice on Annie's Dating Blog or in her San Francisco Dating Examiner column. Annie Gleason is a dating coach who helps midlife singles find love.