Have you felt like everything would be "okay" in your relationship if you could get his attention?
If you are finding yourself almost desperately trying to get the attention of a man you are already deep into a relationship with, or a new man who you just KNOW likes you, you may be - instinctively - doing all the WRONG things.
And it is not your fault... women have been taught to treasure men so much, to consider them to be such prizes, that no matter what you do, or how "cool" you try to be, your emotions get caught up when your around a man you like... you find yourself struggling with yourself about what to do and how to behave?
Whether to run to meet him when he comes home or just say "Hi," and "How's your day?"
Whether to ignore him or invite him out... call him or forget about him... turn to him in bed and try to get something started again, or stay up sleepless?
Where you start to feel like nothing you do is ever going to get you what you want, whether it is a new man you have just seen or the man you are with right now who has been taking you for granted... and it feels like it is just always going to be the same, and it is just too much hard work?
I know how frustrating and painful that is... it is very much the same for men in many ways.
When I was "between" women, and I either had my eye on a woman, or there was no woman in sight, I felt such a sense of competition with other men it made me feel sick to my stomach... I always felt so "on edge," like I was always in a kind of "store window display" if a woman showed up... like I had to preen and be cute and clever to get her interest... and if there were lots of women, it was like being in a candy store with closed counters.
I felt like I had to "go get" the women... almost hunt them down... knock on the closed glass cases they were behind... in order to try to make contact.
I hated it... I hated the results, too.
I often worked so hard at it that I successfully went home with a woman, or got a "meet up" with a woman... sometimes even a short-term relationship... it never even occurred to me that there was another way to do it.
Until I met a really lovely woman, and I was in a mental place I had never been before, where I had stopped working so hard... yes I approached her, and she was cool... instead of jumping at the opportunity, or falling into my pit of anger and despair from all my past "relationships" that never worked out, I just leaned back and relaxed and run the show and row the boat.
And she never once let me down... until we were married... then, a new kind of need and desperation got a hold of me and after a year and a half of marriage, she pulled away... and there I was, stuck.
It was not like another one of those imaginary relationships where she would walk away after 2 months.
We were MARRIED... she was a good woman, and she was not going anywhere... and yet, all I could see ahead of me was this empty, cold, angry life - not at all the romantic dream I had expected when I married her.
Well it did not last between us... snd I am Man enough to take repsonsibility for that... it was my own monsters of self-doubt that in the end drove us apart... and I was deverstated... she was a Great Woman.
I sat down with myself and took my self and the relationship apart... I tell you now... I was hard on myself... and that's when I put two and two together.
Confidence and Self-esteem is the key to recieving love from a woman or a man... ff you do not feel good about yourself... you will almost automatically be attracted to and attract a woman or a man who does not feel good about themself, either, and so they will be incapable of loving YOU.
No matter how much you do or how sweet and sexy you are, and how many things you do and say the "right way" you will never change your relationship until you start to change the way you feel about yourself.
And it does require you to do deep hard work on yourself and be committed to CHANGE.
In that awful time when my marriage went downhill, my wife was actually the same woman she had always been... it was ME who had CHANGED... and I had not changed for the better.
Instead of the happy, busy "Leaned Back Man" she had met and courted, I was now focused entirely on HER.
She was the only woman around... so I had gone back to working hard, rowing the household and the relationship boat, and worst of all - feeling sad, lost, angry and ANXIOUS, and making her wrong every chance I got... not only could I not get her attention in a romantic way, I could not get her attention in ANY way.
All her attention came through talking about work and watching television or playing with the cats and our baby... it was as though there was NOTHING PERSONAL left... I was making so many mistakes, it is hard to cover them all here, so I will focus on one major mistake that is easy to turnaround, like I did.
The Mistake is...
Focusing On What You Do Not HAVE Instead Of What You Do Not WANT.
When you first read this, it may seem hard to tell the difference, yet the difference is actually HUGE.
This feeling I had of not being touched, or loved, or appreciated, or cared for just FILLED MY BODY... whenever my wife of that time passed by me in the kitchen, or to turn on the TV or the fan or the light, I could FEEL this pain in my whole body.
And this is a MAN writing and telling You this!
It was as though I was ACHING... longing... like being a dispossed hero in an old romance... like I had been kept away in a dungeon or a tower and no one could reach me... and yet she was right there... she could not, or wouldn't reach across the foot of space between us to connect with me... and so everything I thought and everything I did was around that one feeling.
I somehow got stuck, almost like a broken record, on the wish that if she could reach out to me, just once, the evil spell would be broken and I would come alive again... I wouldd be able to breathe again... to relax... to feel something besides longing.
And the more I felt this aching longing, the more I tried to reach out to her... the more she rejected me... she was not in the mood for anything remotely romantic... the more this happened, the angrier I got... and the angrier I got, the more feelings filled my body that I could not DO anything with.
Oh, I could complain to my friends, I could go to a therapist, I could stamp and scream in my car and pound pillows to get the feelings OUT,.. yet I could not TRANSLATE them into anything that WORKED with my then wife... I felt completely helpless to change the outcome of anything.
And all of this started because I THOUGHT, at the very beginning, that SHE was deliberately NOT giving me what I wanted and needed... the moment I switched that whole thought in my brain, everything changed... and you can do it too.
So, wherever you find yourself in this cycle of focusing on what you do not have - SWITCH THAT THOUGHT... stop thinking of him as the "Fountain Of Love" that you have to "go to" to get your bowl filled... switch to the thought that you... do not want him to be your "Fountain Of Love" and you do not want to go over to him to get your bowl filled.
Fountains do not water other things and people - fountains water THEMSELVES.
So, instead, picture YOURSELF as YOUR OWN Fountain Of Love, flowing water all over yourself, loving yourself, caring for yourself... this will help you with that aching feeling of not getting what you want from your man... and it will do something else... your man will notice that you are no longer looking to him for love... he will notice you being YOUR OWN "Fountain Of Love"... and he will come over to SHARE love fwith YOU... he will start hanging around to SHARE love from YOUR Fountain.
And here's the last step in this "Thought Switch."
Switch to the thought that you DO NOT WANT a man who JUST wants to drink out of YOUR Fountain of Love... so, to even get near you, he will have to in turn himself SHARE his love, and YOU BOTH fill each others FOUNTAIN TO OVERFLOWING!
How is that for a picture?
I know it is a leap... to go from HIM doing absolutely nothing to doing absolutely EVERYTHING... and that is how it works... you have to be very aware, all the time, of where your thoughts are about and with him, and keep switching to this "Fountain Of Love" image... as you start to do LESS, and he starts to do MORE, you will get another surprise... the surprise is how great you will feel - not just about him... about YOURSELF.
The "Fountain Of Love" image gives your self-esteem a boost... and as your self-esteem goes up, your confidence goes up... and YOUR CONFIDENCE will get his ATTENTION... without you having to DO anything!
The thrill of really connecting with a man... sharing REAL intimacy with a man is priceless... and it is what I want for you.
So, if you would like more help in getting what you want from your man without having to work hard and sacrifice yourself and improve your self confidence, love, relationships and your life!
Please do Contact me.
As always, leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.
Average men and women know only the rules.
Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!
For Love, Passion and Intimacy...
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