Can you be a "geek" and attract a great partner? Can you be a "geek" and still have a relationship? What would happen if I shared with you that being a "geek" is not a problem to you but a real asset. Would you like to know the answer? Then read on where I write about a subject that is dear to my heart: geeky-ness. But first I want to ask you a question, "Are you a geek? Are you vulnerable enough to be yourself and yet still be highly attractive as a man or a woman?
I know, you would not want to admit it, but I have to be honest and say that I am. I like a lot of really nerdy things. I am into computers too. But it does not hold me back from meeting the women I want. Back when I was a kid, I was into sci-fi movies and every imaginable dorky thing out there. I was not ashamed of this. I remember when the local radio station in my home town released their latest t-shirt that said, "I'm a Rocker!" Me and my best friend rushed out and got ours and proudly wore them, to the laughs of just about everyone we knew.
I was geeky even when I was trying to be cool. Well, if you still feel a bit on the "geek" side of things, let it be known that you can still be a huge success in social situations and with men and women. In fact, I am going to share some secrets about "geeky-ness" that you will want to know.
You know, a lot of men and women are ashamed (secretly) of their own lives. It's not overt, but it's there. And it causes incredible problems with their ability to build attraction and confidence socially. Ask yourself these questions:
- Have you ever felt like you could not share a part of your life with a man or a woman because you assume they would think you were weird?
- Have you ever thought of yourself as "geeky" or "nerdy"?
- Have you ever felt like there was nothing special about your life that a man or woman would be interested in?
Well, let me tell you a couple things about what you might be ashamed of:
1. Feel a little weird?
Everyone has a part of their lives that they think of as kind of "strange" or "weird." Everyone. Which means this is an excellent place to create rapport and deep bonding. Just find a way to talk about the weird things in your life (showing them that you recognize that it's a little weird), and then get him or her to confess to their weirdness. This works I can assure you, when you are being authentic in being you. How a conversation may go:
You: "So I have to admit, I was once on the honor roll at school. But I wore a leather jacket, so my friends never gave me a hard time. What's something that no one knows about your high school days?"
Her: "Well, I'll make a confession. I used to skip my last class every few days so I could get a ride home where my girlfriends and I would watch our soap operas."
A little cross-disclosure like this will create a feeling of strong rapport.
2. You are a little geeky?
Let me tell you, everyone has a geeky interest of some kind. You want to know mine? How about all things science, evolutionary psychology, anthropology, relationship pyschology. Doctor Who. I am also passionate about fencing, not the wooden kind. But the sword fighting kind. Dorky? You bet. But let me tell you this. Every man or woman has a geeky interest that they would be embarrassed to talk about, but once you get it out of them they won't be able to resist you because you will have gotten past their icy persona that was created to be a defence to protect themselves. I have been able to convert several girlfriends over to Doctor Who, simply by explaining that it's a soap opera in time and space. There's conflict, romance, love, battles, etc. And how cool is Doctor Who the biggest geek of all! When I reframe it like this, it spikes their curiosity.
3. Nothing special about you?
Everyone has an interesting life. You just find your own life a little dull because you have been living with it your whole life. Spend 20 or 30 years in the same mind and body and it all seems so dull after a while. But I guarantee you that if you spent a few moments thinking back on your life, you would come up with some great stuff. All you need is a short anecdote about your childhood (how you got in trouble usually makes a very cool story) and you are on your way. All of your fears are completely the same as everyone else. But you are afraid to expose them because it would make you feel vulnerable. Let me tell you something else. Vulnerability is very cool. Don't confuse being vulnerable with weakness. It takes a lot of strengh to be vulnerable. You see, a lot of the "hardcore" pickup stuff thats out on the internet these days might tell you that you need to be super dominant, show high social proof and strength. They are right—to a degree. But the one thing a many men and woman recognizes up front is that only the strong can be vulnerable.
It's a little dilemma of logic that you don't need to worry about. All you have to do is work it. How do you use this knowledge to your advantage? Next time you are out and talking to a man or a women and while you are in the process take a second to tell them something about your past that is a little (and I mean just a little) funny and embarrassing. This will show that you do not take yourself too seriously and it will show them that your ego (the big killer of relationships for most men and women) is not going to run amok.
For example, I like to work with the obvious. I am a big guy. Athletic and strong, but big like in built like a brick shit house. But when I was younger I was painfully thin. So I will tell a woman, "You know when I was a kid, I was really skinny. My mom used to say that I had to run around in the shower to get wet." Or, "My mom used to tell me I was so skinny, if I turned sideways, I'd disappear." It's being authentic and it's a little self-deprecating (which is different than self-insulting). Please, never put yourself down to get pity.
You see how this works? Your limitations are almost always a key to stronger connection with men and women. I can say to you that there is nothing about you (including disabilities and physical limitations) that someone else has not turned into something positive for their life game and with men and women. Nothing. In fact, thinking that you have limitations is really a cop-out. While you are curled up on the couch with a box of tissue and crying about the fact that you cannot attract a man or women because you're...
- too fat
- too thin
- too poor
- too old
While you are focused on that negative crap, you are really just giving yourself an excuse to not take action. It's always easier to give up than put your energy into succeeding. But the secret I want you to know about is that it takes a lot less energy to win than it does to go on losing. So instead of thinking of your "geeky-ness" as something others will not like, which to be honest with you is so untrue, what about the men and women who are "geeks" too?
You can turn your "geeky-ness" into a real positive asset. Remember something I mentioned earlier in the article that only the strong can be vulnerable. I know this to be true. For all my years working as a relationship and personal development coach with both men and women, I know that the man or woman who can show their "vulnerabilities" is a very strong man or woman and secure in their masculinity or femininity.
It's not about being "wishy-washy" or weak because it shows you are confident as a man or woman secure in your self that you can show your vulnerabilities. And that is a real "quality" that healthy men and women find higly attractive!
And if you "get it" from reading this article. Then you have learnt something. When you understand the way "attraction" works, this becomes more and more clear. Imagine, what would happen that instead of being ashamed of your "geeky-ness" you felt confident and proud of who you are. How would you life change? Are you even a little bit curious, the "geek" in you wants to know?
As always, leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.
Average men and women know only the rules.
Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!
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