People whose lives revolve around hidden closets and stuff swept up under the rug have a much harder time connecting with people on an authentic level because they are so busy trying to keep up with the last lie they told. The last grave they dug. The last secret they kept from their significant other.
It is a hard thing to do.
There are five secrets in particular that men should always come clean with. While some women may be unable to deal with them, experience has shown if you have invested in a solid relationship, admitting these five things will not only be good for you but they will ultimately be good for the relationship as a whole as women naturally look to nurse you out of your pain.
Read on to see the five lies guys should give up:
1. Admit To Your Porn Addiction
Pornography can wreak havoc on a relationship. Some women find porn a difficult subject to talk about. Because so many men watched porn as a child, it is a learned behavior that is difficult to unlearn because it has such a strong footprint in his life.
What happens is men become dependent on porn for excitement and energy, and his mate becomes an afterthought because few women bring to the love relationship what you watch in a mainline porn video. Pornography is about playing to the neorotic tendencies of him as man (which is to say that the best selling X-rated videos have the same components): women who are vocal about pleasure, sex that is hot and sweaty, and a man who lasts way longer than any of us could imagine.
Those three concepts contextualize the desires of most men: a woman who tells him that what he is doing feels good. Intercourse that is quick, fast, and volcanic. Lastly, he wants to last longer than he needs him to in order to get him to the point where she has an orgasm during intercourse.
Get over it... admit that you have a problem.
2. Admit To Your Insecurities Regaring Sex And Intimacy
Because he has an ingrained complex about performance, most men fear not being able to measure up to past experiences and the perceptions of how good sex is supposed to be when done right by someone who knows what they are doing. The problem is made worse by low self-esteem, which means he deflates the moment someone reveals something he doesn't want to hear about his performance.
3. Admit You Don't Know What You're Doing
If he could get to the point where he looked at you and said "how can I please you," the response might be otherworldy. The problem is admitting that he is clueless in pleasing women and doesn't know what he is doing. The only guides he has are the videos you have watched, the articles he's read and the stories he's heard.
If he is strong enough to admit that he is clueless in the bedroom, you should be gentle enough to show him how to please you.
4. Admit You Feel Rejected When Your Lover Says No
Maybe he's rejecting you because of performance issues or maybe you are just not in the mood. Whatever the case, when the door to sex and intimacy is closed, you hear rejection.
Rejection hurts emotionally and mentally — it is like a slap in the face and kick in the behind that demoralizes you into thinking that you want something other than getting your needs met. That pain is paralyzing for men who are unable to distinguish between rejection and reality.
5. Admit That Control Can Scare You
In a recent coaching session with a couple, both were struggling with sex until the man made a major breakthrough and opened up and shared with his partner: with his wife in control, she could dominate him in ways that made him cower like a little boy. Both men and women like to control, and in terms of sex and intimacy, no one is really in control. So when a woman dominates a love relationship, it can scare a man to a place of uselessness. After this realization, they both enjoyed magical sex.
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