Can You Build A Loving Relationship With No Spark?


Can You Build A Loving Relationship With No Spark?
Can you build a healthy marriage- relationship with someone you do not feel that spark for?

Dear Ange,

“When you are starting to date someone and you enjoy their company, but do not have any real desire for them…how do you know if you should give it time to grow?


Is it foolish to date where there is no ‘spark,’ hoping that will come with time? (In my experience, it has never grown, if not there to begin with).

How much time is fair to avoid hurting the other person if you know they are into you, but you don’t return the same level of attraction?

Thank you,"

Jane...Portsmouth UK


Dear Jane,

I want to thank you for trusting me with your question and I will offer things to think about and question within yourself, to help you find your answers.

Social Courting (or what you call "dating") is to be fun and it allows you to get to know people in an social intimate setting.

Like any relationship, it should be done as honestly as possible. When you are transparent, you allow the other person to know you, and free yourself from trying to be what you are not.

If you pretend to like this guy and keep it going when you really are not interested, that is deception.

Being honest does not have to be mean, something as simple as, “I think you are a really neat guy (if he is), but I have some things I need to work out in my own head right now, and I need to take a break from seeing you any more.”

Of course that is my suggestion…you can change it however you want as long as you stay honest with your own part (spark (Sexual Attraction) happens; it is not something anyone is to blame for or feel badly about).

You also asked if spark ever comes when it is not there initially.

There is no one answer to that question, Jane.

In a healthy marriage, couples may experience their spark growing and dimming only to repeat this cycle.

A relationship also grows, but with Social Courting (dating), there has to be something there to keep you wanting to continue seeing that other person.

And that is usually "Sexual Attraction."

That leads us to the last portion of your question. When the other person does feel a spark and you do not, how long do you continue the relationship?

This is where you have to become very honest with yourself by asking yourself these questions.

1. What am I afraid of if I let this one go?

2. What specifically (write them down) makes this person void of spark?

3. What specific combination makes me feel a spark?

If you have any further questions to ask Me Jane, please feel you can e mail Me.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

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