Can you build a healthy marriage- relationship with someone you do not feel that spark for?
“When you are starting to date someone and you enjoy their company, but do not have any real desire for them…how do you know if you should give it time to grow?
Is it foolish to date where there is no ‘spark,’ hoping that will come with time? (In my experience, it has never grown, if not there to begin with).
How much time is fair to avoid hurting the other person if you know they are into you, but you don’t return the same level of attraction?
I want to thank you for trusting me with your question and I will offer things to think about and question within yourself, to help you find your answers.
Social Courting (or what you call "dating") is to be fun and it allows you to get to know people in an social intimate setting.
Like any relationship, it should be done as honestly as possible. When you are transparent, you allow the other person to know you, and free yourself from trying to be what you are not.
If you pretend to like this guy and keep it going when you really are not interested, that is deception.
Being honest does not have to be mean, something as simple as, “I think you are a really neat guy (if he is), but I have some things I need to work out in my own head right now, and I need to take a break from seeing you any more.”
Of course that is my suggestion…you can change it however you want as long as you stay honest with your own part (spark (Sexual Attraction) happens; it is not something anyone is to blame for or feel badly about).
You also asked if spark ever comes when it is not there initially.
There is no one answer to that question, Jane.
In a healthy marriage, couples may experience their spark growing and dimming only to repeat this cycle.
A relationship also grows, but with Social Courting (dating), there has to be something there to keep you wanting to continue seeing that other person.
And that is usually "Sexual Attraction."
That leads us to the last portion of your question. When the other person does feel a spark and you do not, how long do you continue the relationship?
This is where you have to become very honest with yourself by asking yourself these questions.
1. What am I afraid of if I let this one go?
2. What specifically (write them down) makes this person void of spark?
3. What specific combination makes me feel a spark?
If you have any further questions to ask Me Jane, please feel you can e mail Me.
Many women who like bad boys were raised with dads who did not treat their mums very nice.
These women may say they would never marry or date a guy like their dad, but the unfinished business in their heads attracts them to a bad boy like a moth to a flame.
Many mothers who were bored with their partners could not hide their boredom from their daughters.
When their daughters meet nice guys, they get cast aside due to the daughters’ fear they will end up bored like their mothers were.
Chemistry is the sum total of what you grew up with, what you saw mentored in your own homes and your personal wiring.
When it attracts, it is strong, and there is a spark.
Can a relationship grow to spark?
Will it ever feel as intense as a natural first meeting spark?
No, probably not.
Can you build a healthy marriage or life with someone you do not feel that spark for?
Is it easy?
Depends on the two people involved.
I have published a series of 3 articles on my own "Intimate Communion" Magazine, where I go in depth on "what" chemistry actually is.
Go check them out...
Chemistry can be created.
And creating a healthy marriage-relationship takes work, and I doubt anyone would say it was easy.
I could not say that about life in general as life is about learning all aspects of one’s self and some of those experiences are painful.
The answer to these types of questions is difficult, and there are no right or wrong answers.
Some of the best marriages I have ever seen were arranged, and some of the worse relationships I have ever seen consisted of people who had an abundance of spark, but nothing else in common.
We all talk about chemistry or spark, but what is it and by what is it defined?
For some, chemistry means the other person is “cute” or “hot;” for others it may mean they are an intellect and share career interests.
Social Courting usually implies that you are meeting people you want to see again.
I cannot imagine getting dressed and ready to go to a play or an event with someone for whom I felt no interest or with whom I did not want to be with in a sexual emotional way.
Although I do get dressed up as a matter of self pride and respect for myself.
Have you ever felt MESMERIZED and LOST to a man? (The "Blind Side" to Chemistry.)
I often write about what women can do and say to mesmerize a man, but have you ever felt that way about a man you just met?
Maybe he reminded you of someone.
Maybe he was exactly your "type."
Maybe there was something about him that just lured you in, and you did not know why.
He may not have been all that handsome, or all that charming or even all that "smooth."
Maybe none of the "usual" characteristics that would attract you were there, but you could not help yourself.
You felt yourself being drawn to him and wanting to be around him.
You allowed yourself to daydream about him, and sometimes you wondered what in the world you SAW in him.
It was almost some kind of strange, magical force that was pulling you in.
NOW...imagine if a man felt that way about YOU.
You are the mysterious, magnetic woman he wants to be near.
You make him nervous.
He spends his days thinking of ways he can contact you, or ask you out, or (if he is already courting you) spend an evening looking deeply into your eyes and caressing you.
There are reasons why men and women fall in love.
The problem is, that you women do not really understand or know why a man falls in love with you.
You THINK you know, but you are wrong so often.
When you find yourself drawn to a man, you think you need to let him know you are interested somehow, or you need to make the first move if he is not doing it himself. Or if he is already courting you, you look for ways to please him and impress him, like buying him cards and gifts, or making him gourmet dinners or being extra passionate and sexy in the bedroom.
In trying so hard, you sometimes end up turning him off because you come off as desperate, or like you are chasing him (because you are!)
Meanwhile, all it took was a look, a gesture, something you said that would have gotten his attention.
If only you knew how to trigger that deep emotional impulse in him...
In my personal development coaching, I cover all about what makes a man fall in love with a woman.
I work with you and teach you how to use your own natural feminine charms to magnetize and mesmerize a man without trying too hard, or chasing or making the first move.
Don't take My word for it...
Here's a letter I received from a client who is working with me, and I am coaching her in Dynamic Life Development Systems Gender Education for Human Relationships.
And she is already feeling a big difference in the way men pay attention to her.
Notice especially how she is not DOING anything in particular.
She is just allowing her inner Femininity to glow - and letting the new confident "vibe" she has developed shine through using the knowledge and the methods she has learnt do all the work...
I wanted to share what I have learnt from you and the methods you have taught me are already working for me.
I run a bed and breakfast and the other morning, there was a very handsome man at my table. I felt uneasy and awkward and the conversations around the table (with the other guests) were struggling. I went into the kitchen and took some deep breaths. Then I remembered the "Calming Method" you taught me. I moved my hand on my heart and took slow deep breaths and spoke to myself softly "I am relaxed and I need to breathe!"
Then I grabbed another pot of coffee and kinda jokingly said to myself, "You'd better get back out there so that guy can breathe!"
I re-entered the breakfast room, still feeling nervous. The handsome guest immediately made eye contact with me, complimented me on the muffins and began to ask me questions about the house, my business, etc. The other guests joined in and we ended the morning with a very comfortable, friendly atmosphere. He was still making very strong eye contact when he checked out later in the morning...like he was intrigued by me.
I have also been noticing men making eye contact with me as I go about my normal routines. Just today, in the library, a complete stranger who was using the computer near the bookshelf I was looking at, turned halfway around in his chair and smiled at me! I hadn't said a word... hadn't even noticed him there! I was surprised and started to look away, but then I caught myself and gave him a warm smile back.
So far, these are just little things, but they are building my confidence that my vibe is changing and that men are noticing. Thank you for trusting in me and for showing me a MUCH better way to live. --
Amy San Diago USA
If you are reading this and wondering, "How do I get his attention?" If you're interested in a man from afar, or in a relationship where he has started to sort of drift off.
And your man is taking you "for granted," or even actually pulling away...Or if you're worried that he is becoming interested in other women, or his job is taking over all his time, or he has some "reasons" why he doesn't want to move forward in a real relationship with you and it is feeling awful and you feel like you are stuck.
Then please Contact Me and I will help you to solve your problems.
As always, leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.
Average men and women know only the rules.
Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!
For Love, Passion and Intimacy...
Would you like to know more of how social courting, relationship, sex and intimacy coaching can help you?
Visit my website for more information...
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Intimate Communion Relationship Magazine
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149 Tips For A Great lifestyle Magazine
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