I see a huge problem among women, especially when women are in a relationship. This problem is the problem of pleasing all the time.
Most women would pass this off as "oh it doesn’t apply to me" or "I’m a cool woman and I would never be one of those silly pleaser's!"
In my experience as a personal development and relationship Coach, many women like to think they are not acting like pleaser's, but they actually are. Part of this comes from not really understanding the difference between pleasing and giving.
And more often than not, truly giving to someone is counter-intuitive.
It’s not something many of us (both men and women) have been taught. And many women mistake pleasing for giving.
The Trap: Your own Feminine Mindset.
What is valuable to men in a relationship is not the same as what is valuable to women. Most women will read this and nod, yet continue (for the rest of their lives) to give to their man in the same way they always have, which is in a way that the man perceives little value, and wonder why the relationship is failing, why they are becoming another divorce statistic, or why their man is withdrawing or leaving, or cheating.
It is not anyone’s fault.
How are you supposed to know what you never been taught?
Anyway. In your relationship, being a pleaser is a very quick way to destroy the attraction. Most of you would just rather ignore the loss.
Denial is a common option.
Denial feels certain, after all.
If you want to be a treasured friend to somebody, being a pleaser will not get you there.
Pleasing and giving are two very different things.
And they do have one thing in common: each of these actions fullfill 1 or more of your 6 human needs, and as such, I know there is no truly selfless act. Even if a man dies for his wife – dying for someone is one of the most self-sacrificing acts there are.
And even in a situation like this, you are serving yourself in some way. However small.
What I have noticed is that most of people, especially women operate more from a pleasing place than a giving place, and they are not consciously aware of it.
The REAL difference between Pleasing and Giving
Pleasing is about you. When you try to please someone, you are coming from a place of fear – fear of loss of love, and desperation or neediness, and you are looking for something in return; whether that be a reaction, or approval, or to get out of trouble (a mistake I have made) and a sign that you actually "did OK".