As a woman, are you finding "social courting" to be challenging? Are you not getting what you desire from it? Even when you are in a relationship?
Sometimes, that refers to sexually, and it is bigger than that—the cliche thing that women want, is that they feel like it is dangerous to ask for commitment. Also, it can be more affection, passion, honesty, and/or more time together. And often what happens is that women feel like if they do not ask for what they want, they are being good because they are not being demanding.
And yet it happens often that even when you are trying hard to not be demanding, you can feel him pulling away.
What's going on here?
Well, it turns out that men are not quite the insensitive, out-of-touch-with-their-feelings barbarians that we are made out to be. So what happens is that he feels that you are holding something back.
Of course, there is danger in being authentic...but it beats the alternative every time. He figures, on some deep level he is not even aware of, that if you cannot handle your feelings, you certainly will not be able to handle his feelings.
And if you do not love and accept yourself completely—even the parts of yourself you think are weak and ugly—then he will have difficulty feeling safe with you. Even your boundaries in what you will and will not tolerate from a man make him feel safe.
Ready For A Commited Relationship?
Here are 30 tips to help with finding a committed partner.
1. Do plan the first meetup to include an event. Such as a visit to a museum, art gallery, concert or walk, along with talk time. Do not just think you can sit and bare souls all evening—unless you agree to limiting that time to a drink or coffee so that if you do not particularly like his soul, you have an easy out.
2. Do practice seeing the other person's perspective. Always a good habit to practice anyway.
3. Do bring out the best in other people. In addition to making them feel good and relaxed around you, it automatically makes you seem more charming.
4. Do acquire a multitude of subjects you are able to talk about. Women who talk about their work all the time are no more interesting than men who talk about their work all the time.
5. Do compliment people. The most impressive person I ever worked with never spoke negatively about anyone even when I knew there was plenty that could have been said. It is a great character trait and it put's you a cut above the rest.
6. Do treat your potential lover or the lover you are with now as well as you treat your friends. We are capable of being nicer to strangers than we are to the people we love, which does not make a lot of sense, be courteous to everyone - and especially to the ones you love or might love.
7. Do one thing every day to promote your relationship goals. This helps break procrastination, for example, call someone and say, "I'm interested in serious commitment and am looking for someone I might date, do you know anybody?" You could also start your personal profile online, attend a singles mixer, or simply change your route so you run into new people.
8. Do get out of your house, Get out and socialize and go where there is a chance of meeting a potential partner three times a week.
9. Do know what you want to change about your past relationships? Are you aware of your past mistakes so that you are not doing the same things in new ones, there is always some room for personal development.
10. Do realize the sexiest, most attractive man is not necessarily the best choice for you. Do you just go on the pretty packaging, or do you look deeper for the quality of the content? The very best man you could meet may not look like an armani model with 6 pack abs and he has the ability to make you feel extra special.
11. Do be available. This means you need to check your email, voicemail, etc. and respond. Indicate to him that you have time in your life to put into a relationship.
12. Do develop your communication abilities. If you need to be a better listener, practice listening, if you need to be more self-revealing, practice expressing yourself more. You cannot feel loved if you do not feel comprehended, and you cannot be comprehended if you are unable to tell him who you are.
13. Do count on some negatives from anyone you are in a relationship with or social courting. Deal with them straightforwardly and as quickly as possible.
14. Do be assertive in letting him know you would like to go out or go out again. This could mean calling to say you had a wonderful time or sending a note. And genuine and expressed enthusiasm toward him usually works equally well.
15. Do remember that some of the people who make excellent candidates for mates are not the ones with the fanciest footwork. Some people who are really, really great with Social Courting are well-oiled by all the meet up's they have had. The man who is more invested in commitment may sometimes a bit clumsier than the man with nothing to lose.
16. Do realize that part of courtship is being willing to see his flaws so you will know if you can love him flaws and all. He is flawed. You are flawed. We are all flawed. There is no perfect person or perfect relationship so do ot dash off as soon as you are disappointed. Ride through it to find out if it settles down into a does not-matter compartment, or if the two of you can resolve the difficulty.
17. Do be genuine. Know yourself and always act authentically and be your truth!
18. Do carry social or business cards with you so you can make yourself known and easy to find! I am a business man so I autmatically carry my business card. I have though designed and made for myself, a social card with my contact details on and a nice catch phrase which prompts people to call me.
19. Do ask questions. It is a good way to get to know him and find out if he is open and a good communicator.
20. Do be prepared for rejection. It happens, get really good at handling it. Move on and find the person who does want to be with you. You may have already experienced pain and sadness after being rejected and lived to see the day you were thinking, "Thank you, thank you, thank you for dumping me." When the abandonment waves have passed, you sometimes realize that being left by him was a fortunate break.
21. Do be enthusiastic if you want to see him again. "I've had a nice time—thank you," is inadequate. Be excited..."I really enjoyed our time together, looking forward to our next meeting, see you soon! Now which one of those statements would fire you up for your next meet up?
22. Do keep the conversation positive. Be positive and fun when you are out together. Do not bash your ex's. Do not complain about all the things that are wrong in your life. Spend time getting to know each other's positive sides.
23. Do give back, whether it is time, money, or thoughtfulness. This can include calling back to ask if his sore throat is gone, whether the deal came through at work, or if he had a safe trip.
24. Do send articles that pertained to topics you discussed on your meet up's. It is a great way to remain in communication and it also builds rapport between you both.
25. Do discuss sex before it becomes an issue. Not after is too late. If you decide to have sex on the first meet up. Make it clear to him. If you want to wait until you are ready. Make it clear to him. This is one of the biggest mistakes I see women make constantly with men.. Not making it clear what sex means to them. Make sure you are both in agreement about what it means.
26. Do seriously assess intentions between the third and tenth meet up. You want someone who is communicating comfort with intimacy, someone who is interested in the long term. If he is truly uninterested, then say goodbye. If he does have marriage on the mind, you do not need to rush it. And keep the year ahead in mind. By the time four seasons have passed, most people know if they want to marry or not.
27. Do focus on being able to have a good time by yourself. If you cannot enjoy your own company and enjoy your own life you are living. What makes you think being with an man is going to be any different? Happiness starts with you!
28. Do admire and respect the person you are choosing. Also admire and respect yourself.
29. Do be willing to touch and be touched. Lovemaking and all forms of physical touch are an area that is very important for you two to be on the same page. Most relationship coaches and counsellors would say couples problems are about sex, money, or love and usually in that order.
30. Do know the facts about each other so there are not any terribly big surprises. This goes back to number 17. The point is to be yourself and work toward building trust and intimacy in a positive way. When you do, social courting will be more fun and everything that follows will be healthier and more productive in building a positive relationship with each other.
That is were a great relationship is builtr—right at the beginning by laying a solid authentic, open and honest foundation together.
If you have some fear around your relationship or you have crashed and burned a few times in the past, please do Contact me.
Would you like to know more of how social courting, relationship, sex, and intimacy coaching can help you? Visit my website for more information...www.gender-education-for-human-relationships.com
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