When problems arise, challenges become harder, or even our monthly visitor sets off an array of emotional unbalance, we as woman are all guilty of complaining. We were always taught that communication is key and that honesty was the best policy. For the most part that is correct but when it comes to relationships with men, they want to hear us, but they honestly do not want to hear us complain.
Men hate to hear woman complain. It stems from an internal piece within them and partially from an external factor they consider nagging. Complaining is on the men’s top ten list of things they can’t stand about women.
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Men have been reared to be tough, to endure situations, to be emotionless and to not let things bother them. They were reared to refrain from crying and pretty much to be what society may call “manly”. They can only tolerate a small amount of patience for any kind of complaining, and whining.
Here are four ways to “quit yer bitchin”:
1) You don't have to make a statement in a whiney, needy voice for your man to actually listen or hear your point.
Communication is vital to any relationship. Speak quietly and nicely when you are in pain or life seems to have you down. You will attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. He may be more willing to comfort you and listen if you are nag free and communicate kindly. For you women with kids, do you know how it urks you to hear your children whine and complain...well that is what you may sound like to your man. If you cannot stand it, do you think he can?
2) Men can’t tolerate complaining because they have a natural need to fix problems.
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If a woman complains, a man has an internal instinct to protect and to solve her problem.When you complain, your man may begin to feel he can’t solve your problems. He may feel helpless or may even feel as if he has failed you. You have begun the process of emasculating him with out even knowing it. Your tone of voice may anger him because he may feel like you are looking down on him because he can’t solve your problems. Men want their women to be happy. So be happy. If you’re not happy, he will instinctually feel like he failed at portion of the relationship.
3) Instead of complaining try saying “I have a problem that I need some help with.”
Never say " we need to talk." You are shutting him down from the start. Instead, ask to sit with him so you can both solve the problem, even if he’s the source of that problem. Focus on how this problem is making you feel and your tone of voice. If you complain, he will feel he cannot help you, which will cause him to shut down. You want your man to communicate, so take the ball in your court and proceed with care.